Father

I used to imagine your face

I used to look for you in every place

I used to wonder what you were doing

But then I realized it was all a waste

To you, I’m nonexistent

Not even a memory

Because you’ve never met me

I used to sit and ponder

What you are

Villain or hero

Important or zero

I used to tell myself stories of who you were

I saw your face everywhere

As I would sit and stare at myself

Trying to find some self-wealth

I used to tell myself that you would never leave me if you knew

So

I pretended like you had no way of knowing

That inside of her I was growing

Always finding ways

Ways of not showing

The pain

The shame

Always looking for someone or something to blame

Why I had no family name to claim

I drowned my flame for many years in my tears

Until I realized

I am you

And in that moment

I knew why I never met you

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