Fall of 2005

This was the season that changed everything

October 2005, Helen took me to buy Pokémon Emerald

from the old Valley Fair years before it was demolished

She copped her first apartment since Maliki died

She got fed up with the antics happening

in that yellow house on Bergen Street

across the street from the church

Found ourselves stayin’ on Shephard Avenue

Fadda’ was dwellin’ there in the past

before he passed, we were in a two- bedroom apartment

I shared one with my siblings

And we ain’t even have a refrigerator, let alone beds to sleep on

Until Helen stacked up enough earnings in

Perfect Styles and Cutz to get us those things

Suddenly, dead corpses kept showing up at our doorstep

Toe tags cluttered the ground like the

leaves that fell from the trees

Helen’s ex-lovers trying to make our lives infernal abodes

Bullying made itself known by then,

diagnosed with autism at seven

Grappled wit’ the victimization and the

Asperger’s until I left high school

2007 came around and my little brother Hy’mir was born

I still remember that day he came from

the hospital, his sickness was a blessing

Now, he’s growing up on me, my little

brother isn’t so little anymore

By 2009, we started staying on Stengel

with Eugene Sr. until momma found a new residence

The aroma of cannabis filled the living room

in that rocking chair my grandfather always sat in

No wonder I be getting high like the ozone layers nowadays

I remember when Eugene Sr. brought home this roasted

pig from the Portuguese and the eyes were still in it

No way I was puttin’ dat’ shit onto my dinner plate

A few months later and we moved to Clinton Place

Across the street from Hawthorne Elementary

This is where my mental health took a turn, it began to deteriorate

Harassment in school and at home pushed me over the edge

I was ready to shoot people up

Now I’m being sent to therapy,

forced to take Risperidone by my mom and therapist

Landed into anger management at Beth Israel’s “TLC”

Therapeutic Learning Center, though there was no

tender loving care going on there

Here is where I saw shit that I wish I hadn’t

Children in the program harassed me senselessly,

cuz’ they were screwed up and jealous of my intelligence

The staff made my life hell, two of them

physically hounded me and still kept their jobs

It all lead me to my first suicide

attempt at the age of ten, course’ I failed at it

Why do you think I’m still here?

2010, we moved up the street to 293 Hawthorne

First, it was 2B then 1F

Helen reached a breaking point,

she was tired of moving from project to project

Only difference is the size and variety of

the rodents, how about the mold growing in the corners?

Or the plumbing, which was always backed up

Critters everywhere, didn’t even wanna leave clothes on the floor

You tell me if mouse crap smells like a bouquet of roses

2011, my life changed in a way I couldn’t believe

I’ve been introduced to a side of Newark I

thought never existed cuz’ I never went beyond

the South Ward unless I was riding on the 39

University Heights, the Central Ward

Dat’ was my new home

A three-story townhouse with walk-in closets

Full backyard, spacious bedrooms

Rodent-free, a balcony to make it complete

Shit became different which came with its own challenges

I had to catch the 99 to school, waking up at six

every morning so I wouldn’t be tardy

This would go on for several years

Mental breakdowns became commonplace,

in and out of the Child Study Team’s office

Momma ends up in an abusive marriage that has yet to end

I became distant from my spirituality,

in these times I lost every single touch of myself

Wonderin’ what I must do to get it back