I write in slow-motion
with the same anxiety in my pocket
that I carry to
a party,
or school.
To work,
or your bed.
You can not tell
because the words
"You aren't good enough,"
are spoken in my head.
I smile and laugh
I talk and talk
because someone once said,
"It's unattractive to be worried."
I am self-conscious about
being self-conscious.
And now this
writing
being vocal
on Vocal.
A new kind of dread.
Will I be read?
If not
Am I an actual
Writer?
I write in my notebook,
anxiety gone,
my voice strong.
But here
Here I am, just
exposed.
Whether they read or
whether they don’t.
About the Creator
Sandra Matos
I write so that people will remember me. I make art for the same reason. I had a mother that I never knew. Who she was, how she smelled, or what she valued. I don't want anyone to wonder who I was.
Keep reading
More stories from Sandra Matos and writers in Poets and other communities.
Talented Black creators spotlight: Catherine Nyomenda (Chap 3).
Catherine reminds me of an enigma wrapped within a riddle. When she writes, she skips between the poetic and the dramatic. Her highlights of the African lifestyles of herself, of authors whom she admires, and the many nuances of love keeps you wondering and pondering the passage of life.
By Novel Allen3 days ago in Chapters
Comments (8)
You are a writer! I think that this expresses a lot of what many of the writers on here feel. But you are! I have read two poems by you today and I love the honesty of your voice. I'm subscribed and sorry I've not been here before.
I love how you express yourself your your writing creations ❤️
Gosh this is so raw and honest and I think the exact same things run through my head.
I know this feeling so well! That dreaded submit button! You want to/don't want to! Loved the sentiment of this and sure it will resonate with all but the very mostt self-confident of us! You got this! 🤍
I smile and laugh I talk and talk because someone once said, "It's unattractive to be worried." I am self-conscious about being self-conscious. Loved these lines!!! Such a impactful, well written stream of thought!!
People use the phrase "aspiring writer", but I never cared much for that. You're either writing, or you're not. Clearly, you are writing, so you are a writer. It can be a bit nerve-wracking letting your work out into the wild to roam free in front of the eyes of others, but it can also be liberating. For me, there's always a tension between the two. Good job on this poem!
I think a lot of us share the shame dread. Well said. And you're definitely a writer.
So powerful and deep!