Eunice, Queen of the Nile

what a day

that sun is unbearable

so nice to be inside

much better

Steve's on the desk

always polite

not like some

Steve's lucky

I’d rub his tummy if I could

like one of those Buddhas

Glenys brought back

from Thailand

not a real one mind you

Kelly's at the bar

she's dyed her hair again

cherry red goodness

cherry red

where does she get the money

once she cut it so short

she looked sick

or like one of those poor Jews

not that I'm complaining

I’m not jealous mind you

I was quite fetching in my day

Norma Shearer

that’s what they’d say

I followed the fashions

not that we had a lot of money

most people were short of a quid

the good times were

what was that song Ray Brown sang

still I’d buy the Woman's Mirror

to be in the know

no tele back then

morning Kelly

hello Eunice how are you

fine love just fine

I see you've dyed your hair

very bright

do you like it

oh, it's not up to me love

you’re the one

who’s got to live with it

lemon squash

please, I’m parched

it’s stinking out there

and not too much ice

the cold hurts my teeth these days

I use that Sensodyne

but I don’t know if it works

a lot of palaver I’d say

but oh they used to ache

no worries where's hubby

golf Kelly

isn’t it too hot

not for him he's a lizard

and when it’s wet

he’s a duck as well

out there in all kinds of weather

thank you Kelly

good luck Eunice

I do need it Kelly

you take care Eunice

oh, there’s what’s-her-name

she’s quite nice

but a bit stuck-up

gives me a look some days

I hope that awful Andrew isn't about

not likeable

not one iota

a rude man

not sure how he became a member

I had a machine reserved one day

I had a machine reserved clear as day

I went to get a lemon squash

when I came back he was with the Queen

I'd seen him about a few times

not a regular mind you

I walked up to him

don't be unpleasant I told myself

just state your business

I said excuse me

well he didn't even bother to turn around

I said the Queen was reserved

he turned and gave me a filthy look

no it wasn't

I couldn't believe it

he as good as said I was a liar

my jaw must have dropped

he kept playing

well, I wasn't going to let it go at that

I said excuse me I always play the Queen

so you weren’t here

I just went to get a lemon squash

machine wasn’t reserved

I stood there dumbfounded

him with his beetroot nose

and pongy smell

well

I wasn't going to get myself worked up

about it so I walked away

she wouldn’t be kind to him

she wouldn’t let him get away with that

and she didn’t

he learned his lesson

now for a bit of a promenade

that’s what I call it fancy talk, eh

some people don't like you walking about

they’re so suspicious, sideways looks

I can see them

they think she's waiting for a machine

to come good

isn’t the done thing

hovering like a vulture

waiting to pick the bones

I've never been accused myself

but the looks, the glares

yes

Queen of the Nile, you’re free

and I feel lucky

all settled

there’s a spot for my drink

I can keep my purse nearby

twenty to start

just a quick touch of the screen

for luck

can’t hurt, can it

there we go, two pyramids

well, that’s a good start

I won’t say no to that

no sirree Bob

I feel good

yes

I think it’s my day today

yes, today will be the day

I see you Cleopatra

just like Elizabeth Taylor

wasn’t she gorgeous

I bet they used her face for yours

the same eyes

what do they call that stuff again

kohl yes, kohl

I can feel it

those pyramids are coming up

fifteen free games

but that’s not the end of it

all of you will come up, all five

yes

I won’t go overboard

that’s just showing off

I’m not that sort of person

the jackpot will go off

I’ll stand up slowly no fuss at all

I’ll wait for Steve to come over

all smiles as usual

what you going to do with all that money Eunice

I’ll say don’t you worry Steve

I have something special planned

I’ve waited a long time

I have something special in mind

yes

something special

I’ll be smiling and everybody’ll be so jealous

but I won’t care a whit

Len and me, we’ll take a cruise

just like we’ve planned

we’ll go to Egypt and see the pyramids

float down the Nile in real luxury

just like Antony and Cleopatra did

just the two of us