Eccedentesiast

I know you

better than most

Sometimes I think even better

than you know yourself

:

That eccedentesiast smile

that sparks on your face

when you're uncomfortable

:

Beaming a light

that blinds the outside

from truly seeing

what's churning inside

:

That iron pit in your stomach

That blazing fire in your throat

When you spread that specific smile

that's subtly different than the rest

That joyful mask over your feelings

conceals your secret of unrest

:

No one would know

that you are

anxious

upset

unsatisfied

:

But I know

I feel it in your vibe

I see the pain behind your smile

The dissatisfaction in your eyes

:

It hurts me inside

to know that smile

is a friendly mask upon a lie

:

Behind your charming smile

behind that joyful lie

is a deep pain that resides

:

A pain I'm not even sure

you can admit to yourself

Let alone have the courage

to admit to anyone else

:

A pain you numb yourself from

on the regular

with distractions, drugs, and sex

Then when your emotional alarm

starts ringing

you run to your emergency escape exit

smiling wide

teeth sealed

:

I want you to feel safe to speak

the truth behind your brilliant smile

when your emotions hide and do not seek

:

I want you to feel safe with me

to say the truth about how you feel

so you can set yourself free

:

I want the only time that I see

your dazzling smile to be

the times where you truly are

content and happy