Don’t wake me up

You were a beautiful dream that was never real.

Too good to be true.

Your voice is loudest in the absence of words I long to hear.

The truth is, I never believed it could be me. I never believed you would choose me. I knew you never felt for me.

It didn’t matter how much I liked being near you, the feeling would never be mutual enough.

The feeling of your arms wrapped around my waist, the warmth of your breath on my neck, and taste of your lips... will never be more than a dream.

I am a girl who has never been loved. It was silly of me to look for love in you when you so clearly told me not to.

But in my dreams we thrive. Your passion is unbridled and my affection is returned in earnest. Our commonalities drive us closer and our differences are sacrificed for the other.

In my sleep I am loved. When my eyes are closed I see a world in which you choose me, and it is imperfect—but your love and affection assure me it is the right imperfection.

I was stupid, and I fell for you—knowing full well I wouldn’t be able to forget you. It's my own fault.

Now your memory haunts me. Where once you blessed my existence, now you smite any reference of my life. I am less than unchosen, more than rejected.

You made me fall in love with you merely by existing. The more I knew you the more I wanted to know.

None of that matters now, the memories of what could have been are now wrapped in the haze of delusion. I am sorry for romanticizing what may have never been, but the small taste I had was so sweet that I have fixated all desire on a future that only exists in my sleep.

So let me stay there,

In my dreams,

in my sleep,

Denying the harsh loneliness of my reality.

It could have been you. I wish it had been.