Do I fit?

Where do I fit

Where do I belong?

Feeling like a square peg in a tight-fitting round hole

Deep within an inner chamber, the darkness sits

Biding its time to fracture and blip

This time the enormity of not fitting in

Feeling the greatest need for approval

Acceptance and approval from where and when

A high five or some deep loving care

Is it all a lie?

Electric shock pulse shooting through me

Is it a charge ready to ignite?

Or a shock to shutdown

Not wanting to illuminate deeper darker space

Keeping it distant locked away in the inner abyss

This gnawing un-acceptance and non-approval quest

For not fitting in

But trying to be a clone

Not being the pretty one, the petite, the shiny showpiece

The intelligent one, the one with a career or degree

Being to sensitive

Too emotional to bare

To moody or tearful, a sook, get away from here

Hide the tears from parental eyes

Not good enough from the first moment's page of this life

Not the Princess born

But the ugly duckling that never grew to be a swan

The big lump of coal that no one wants to own

Not the prize catch, but second best every time

Always at the back invisible from sight

The one who isn’t right for this life

No space is mine in this displaced life

All the feelings bubble up inside.

All the ways not being good enough to belong each day

Not acceptable for gifts

Not acknowledged each year

Celebrations of life a non-event every time

Not acceptable to self

How can that be?

Many lives in one

Many lives I see

Many faces presenting

Do they stand out at all

It meets at a point to undermine the power I feel

A life that feels so fraudulent and fake

Unreal is the sense that comes into my being

Every illusion awakens as a snake from a deep sleep

The serpent arises ready to strike you in your sleep

Taking the poison to the deepest point of unknown

Killing beliefs

Once again they are toxic and harbouring in your body now

Slipping into the truth occasionally now

Too afraid to show the power, strength and courage you run

Hide!

Run!

Fearful of being loved

Too afraid to be seen

Too scared to let go

Fearful you will fall

You can't use your voice your jaw freezes shut

Fearful of death

Is this another life?

This can’t be real, yet it feels true to the core

Does anyone truly care when you are hiding curled up on the floor

Breathing deeply with a sigh

Seeing the layers, it’s time to let yourself silently cry.