Dad of None

He is the perfect man for every scenario. It makes it so difficult to choose where to begin in his description. Let's go head to toe as we describe this here Joe Schmoe and learn all we can as we go.

First, we begin at the top. A blue, worn Vineyard Vines hat with a whale so elegant as it rests on his crest with its coat of many colors. Red, white, and blue can be seen adorned his crown, a lover of America, a true patriot renowned. Then we trek down to his luscious, long locks. The brown hair pairs well with his beard all a scruff. We slide down to his chest and uncover what's there as we spot a Colorado 14'ers shirt and flannel to pair. We glance to our left to see the delight, a hot cup of joe on a morning so right. Adorning his beverage as every man should, we see his black mug that tells all that it should. 'World chess hall of fame' etched in stunning white letters, the dad has shown up now, the jokes will be coming. Drop now to the warmth of his joggers that grip to his legs and warm him all over. Finally, we come to the best of them all, his slippers so warm, so comfy of leather.

The man walks around in his moccasins as he checks out the yard. He says, "Hi" to the bunnies and squirrels all the more. He smiles at the grass when he sees how vibrant its color is. He is goofy and funny and cute as can be. He'll also love and care for you and your fur babies for free.

I would like to thank you for meeting our well renowned and world famous, Dad of None. Wherever a joke will need said and it won't be very funny he can be found so don't dread. Fret not also for he comes in many shapes, forms, and sizes. He will be there by your side for all times of crisis and your crying sis.