Child-Free

My life is meaningless

Without a child

I refuse to feed myself myths, like:

I am self-sufficient. I am an artist. My family is still a family without a child in it. There is no infant-sized hole in my life.

I cannot tell myself such lies. The truth is:

I was meant to be a mother.

I cannot say

I feel fine

Around all this talk of babies, for

I squirm

When our aunts and sisters ask why

I am willing to accept

Childlessness.

Please do not call it

Child-free.

I am

The childless sister and daughter.

I will not say that I am

Truly as complete as I could be, and

I feel

This is good cause for woe.

I refuse to listen to those who insist that

It’s okay, because

I am not a mother, but

I am going on thirty.

______________

A note to readers who know me in real life:

This is a creative exercise; not a reflection of my personal feelings. This poem that can be read top-to-bottom and bottom-to-top to glean two completely different perspectives.