Love Bite
Entry for the 'Short and Sweet' Challenge
He bit me in the car:
Side by side in the heat of the day,
Dust at the road bend,
He bent his head to the bare skin of my arm.
-
I knew him as a boy but
I feel I don’t know him now.
A wet, hazy fear in his grey eyes;
The left one has a ring of gold.
-
Did that hurt?
Not very. Why did you—
Your pain is my pain.
How can he say that? Does he feel my pain as I do?
-
He aims to tell me some bare fact.
From the look on his face,
I’d say it has to do with his soul—
The raw part that we like to hide.
-
But he tips back on a joke.
It's his way, to ebb and flow,
Like the lake down the hill from us,
Its grey body on fire at dusk.
-
A hush, now.
Sun rays on the red roof, heat in the cab.
His face is red, too,
Like the ring he left in my arm.
-
Home?
Home. Warm gold of the old pine door,
Pale curb and dark wall of bush.
Grey eyes on my back.
-
Will I see you in the hall?
Will he see me in the hall?
Will he see me when his lids drop over his eyes,
In his twin bed, two a.m., an idea of a girl?
-
The pain is in my body,
One step up the walk.
His soul and mine,
Tied up,
In one hell of a knot.
About the Creator
Jennifer Ashley
🇨🇦 Canadian Storyteller
♾️ Metis Nation
🎓 UVic Alumni 2020
Writing published by Kingston Writers Press, Young Poets of Canada, Morning Rain Publishing, & the BC Metis Federation to teach Michif in Canadian schools.
✨YA Magical Realism✨
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Expert insights and opinions
Arguments were carefully researched and presented
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
Masterful proofreading
Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Easy to read and follow
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Swati Sain’s Debut Book “माँ के आँचल से” Chronicles Heartfelt Stories
Jaipur-based author Swati Sain has recently made her mark in the literary world with her debut book titled “माँ के आँचल से” (From Mother’s Lap). The book, published by Gyanvriksha Publications, is a collection of poignant tales and anecdotes inspired by the author’s upbringing and experiences.
By Gyanvriksha Publications3 days ago in Poets
Comments (18)
This is incredible. I can’t believe you managed to say all that with only four letter words and less. Very deserving of top story
I loved the unfolding of a moment, a piece of life so revealing and provoking. Good writing!
Phenomenal storytelling with such short words in poem form.
Awww, this was so wonderful! Congratulations on your Top Story!
What a story and what an intricate web of emotions and layered longings in this incredible poem. This deserves to be published and studied and cherished. So well done, and congratulations!
This is so gritty! What an amazing cliffhanger, too! Can we expect a sequel? 😏
Really well written. Thank you for the vivid images.
It’s amazing how much of a deep story you’ve managed to weave here with such short words. Really, truly beautiful
👏👏👏 Excellent!
Outstanding. So much ambiguity and emotional depth wrapped in a raw sensory clarity. Sometimes love is a "hell of a knot."
Wow thats some love bite... Read mine as well? https://vocal.media/fiction/an-irrevocable-dream-about-a-mermaid
Congratulations on your Top Story 💯🎉
This is beautiful, Jen. Congrats on the TS
AS others have already said, this is incredible poetry! A well-deserved Top Story.
Every line of this, wonderfully written, poem reach's out and demands the readers attention. So very well done.
Fabulous love journey!!! Loved it!!!
Wow. Can I read this over and over, forever? I love the repetition of the questions, the space of uncertainty throughout. It feels so accurate to a start of a relationship, and possibly one that isn’t entirely healthy? But again, thar uncertainty comes in. Im inclined to think this a true love poem, and one that is full of all the passionate feelings. Im blown away. Every line is stunning. I can’t pick a section I like more than the others.
Epic poem. Love the journey you take us on. 🥰