When you pick up the Styrofoam cup
Full to the brim with 2 measured cups
Of pure drinkable medical grade charcoal
The entire emergency department holds their breath
Right now
I get to decide if I stay alive on my own terms
Or refuse medical treatment and let the Luvox
Take me on a fast track path to the afterlife
I raise the cup
And take my first swig
Nearly choking on the chalky texture
And you can hear them
Let go a collective breath of relief
Slumped shoulders find their place high on the back
Hearts return to their normal rhythm
The legs stop bouncing from anxiety
They will not lose me tonight
They will have done their jobs
They will have extended my life
For tonight
When I come back in 2 weeks or 2 years
They will hold their breath just the same
And hold my hand
As I choke down every drip of that charcoal
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