Break

Spring break

Let me break it down

In a crowd

With no one else around

That I know

You're gone

And I'm staying strong

Not because you told me to

Not this time

But I really do care

Let me walk you through the logic

You're a guy

And you're empathetic

So even though all your hesitancy in your replies

Are frankly pathetic

The attempt is there

And there's a party out there but

I'm waiting for this

Parking lot

Parking space

Place of transition

And my position

Deemed fit by intuition

That is kicking me in my ass

And in hindsight, I could see

But I'm not so twenty twenty

I'm not a pediatrician or a lawyer or ucla viterbi or usc

I'm me

I have frizzy hair

Deranged

I occasionally gain 10 lbs

Because

I fucking love dessert

So sue me

No no

Walking away is much cheaper

Digitally, it's lazier too

Ambiance of Avoidance

I'm starting to like this club

Dancing alone

In a spotlight I get to call my own

But it doesn't call back

Or text

Oh no

It burns

It's a fucking stream

A heavy stream

Forgive me for being me but my green eyes do not deal

With something so harsh but real

I recoil and rewind

And look for skews

Me being me, a screw should recognize another screw

No matter how rusty

And so I'm sitting in my disappointment

I guess the chair too

The all black fit the boug

Euois feel to how wealthy I was

In my sadness

That I could so decadently cloak my self

In the florals

In the poesies

Instead of pansies

We need black and white

The mix

This grey discourse that took place in this

So NOT monochromatic moment

Made me

Shut down

Like a mac

Some little finger switched me off

And before I started wanting to scream all the time

I did smile

I did in September.

But also

I was told

You didn't know

By you

But how could you say you didn't know how to break up with me

And want to listen to the brash side of me

The side of me that wants to hash it out

because it’s logical and pragmatic

and pragramatic doesn’t mean problematic

or that I must face the pain

if I keep hashing

and slashing

doesn’t mean anything is going to be the same

I was thinking how you wanted to cut it in half

But hearts are whole

it doesn’t take a good friend to say

“I feel like shit”

But it does an animal of a different kind to say,

“My soul, split”

Love is not the enemy, it’s just you and me

don’t suade your projection into this flat dimension

it flattens you, foolish square

love is not a person or a thing

you turned it into something that turned you against me

so it became a frenemy an enemy

and hatefulness

cutting deep inside of me

splitting me in half

my asymmetrical body and organ

it was the epitome of apathy

empathy

sympathy

the last two things you lacked

In this one-sided courtesy

cautious

hesitancy

so love and hate, hate to love

two things you actually could relate

into this sort of homogenous state

my organ

no euphemism

my organ

no metaphor

but still an engine

now feeling more than sore

an ache

a disgusting way to retaliate

is the leak

a toxin

a filmy slate

over which turned my organ to

steal

after which

this bloody October

turned me from bread

and milk and honey

Into something

and I craved blood

and bruises

and things that would first make me feel inflamed and make me turn green and yellow, purple

and finally black

the ultimate

because it’s easy to forget when I’m full of hate

It's easy to forget when I am covered in black

Soreness

the hate I carry is the hate you gave

inside the heart, the oblong

lopsided

lifeline

Not the ideal

that brings so much disappointment

this is all I can say about me

granted its a fuck ton

but I’ve never learned to dance, so I don’t tiptoe to instigate

I'm me

I want things in order

a b and c

I was split

half of me tells me

it was a mistake to react