Bittersweet Words of Love
An Outro Towards Codependency
How can you sit there
Sit there saying you love me
You love me only when my skin is bare
Why can't you see
When I make you stop and stare
You're not looking at a mermaid
No, you're just the same
What you see is every single vulnerability
When I don't physically please you
You act as though I'm to blame
I lied when I said I was okay with intimacy
When the exact reason I called
Was just the opposite
You say you love me
I say, hypocrite,
I remember the statement you said last night
How you couldn't be without the feeling
The feeling of our skin touching
Do you even know how much I tremble as I write
I wish you could see what I see in you
When we are just happy in a relationship
Instead of always laying in bed as one
Laying in bed as two
I remember last night you said it wouldn't work
It wouldn't work if at least you had to abstain
I don't understand you men
I remember when I talked with you
You said it made you mad
Why don't you understand
You're the one that makes me sad
I wish I could have told you if that was your thought
Then we would be through
What was so important to refrain
Annoyed and angry is the picture it drew
Don't you understand there are some things
Things that cause pain
I bet you only thought I was a song
It's as if the words
The words of my story touched your lips
And became your own
What's so special about my hips
Did you know the single thought
The single thought after a lengthy shower
The voice coming back telling me I'm not good enough
That I'm worthless and only men can define me
When you dream
Do you dream a future of us
Or do you turn to dust
And I'm the one to scream
I bet you never wondered the things I think about
Even when you're asleep
I wish you knew how it feels when you cuddle
When you cuddle up behind me
To you am I merely bone
Are you the keeper of my flesh
Do you know why I've never flown
Or strayed away from crowded places
Because I too am human
I too have fears
It seems as sometimes those fears
Those fears become my insecurities
Do you even know the tears
Do you know the definition of love
You say you love the God above
Or was that your sweet talk
Your sweet talk that comes out
Comes out when you've had one too many beers
I love you and all the little things you do
I just wish you were understanding
Understanding as to why I don't want our relationship
Our relationship to be defined by our skin
It's like a double-edged sword your handing
To do a deed in which constitutes sin
Though by your side
By your side I still find myself standing
Why would you act if I'm just a ride
When I have more to offer than being your yin
To your yang
It's as if my story
Was a song to be sang
When actually my story
Tells about how the lights were strung
Not how the guts were gory
How the flowers you brought
Were in a gold vase
The gold vase of glory
How our children would grow old
When we're grey and frail
How will our story be told
When the life ship sets sail
This isn't a fairy tale
This is my story
The story in which relationships go stale
And where flowers die
And lightbulbs burn out
I remember all the times I said I was sorry
I find it odd to compare relationships
With a bag of potato chips
When everything falls apart
And you're on rocky lands
Where it rips open your heart
With cold and soulless hands
I'm the one that heard that oh so familiar sigh
The one that wants to stay for all the right reasons
But knows the need isn't there
I was the one that sighed
Because men who think about skin don't care
Even in a rough season
It was my turn to say goodbye
Confession 1: This Used To Be Me
I wrote this one night while I was in an intense argument with my boyfriend. We ended up assuming things that weren't true because of the fact our communication was lacking. When we got a chance to get a breather, we then worked out what we now know was a huge misunderstanding.
You might ask, well if you guys are still in a relationship, then why does the ending of the poem say otherwise? Let me explain....
Confession 2: I Write For A Purpose
Writing makes myself and my soul feel free. It's a way to let out all of my feelings without having to identify with or express them until necessary. Within poetry, you all may have heard the term metaphor or simile. This is what the ending stanza is, it's purely a metaphor. It shows that I gained my independence and control throughout the relationship. For example, I don't feel obligated to call him back right away if I've missed his call; you might ask why? Well here's the reason, I'm an independent woman who lives and thrives throughout my own being; as he's a man who's independent and also lives and thrives throughout his being.
How might this relate to codependency? It's a matter of being who you are and what makes up those categories. Just as we have the right to have boundaries with others, we also have the right to place boundaries on those relationships in our lives. Sometimes even we ourselves need boundaries/limits. In the same light it gives respect to letting those we love as well as care about not only live their own lives but also gaining an understanding as to what independence looks like. (Independence doesn't always look the same to the next guy).
Confession 3: Change The View, Challenge The Thought, Heal Yourself, And Confidently Love Yourself
Healing is possible, whether this means to change the whole sight from micro to macro or if there are ways you're coping to deal with these situations. Give yourself time to learn, grow, thrive, survive, flourish, nurture, and heal those wounds.
It's definitely okay to tell yourself I need this moment to be alone, it's okay to feel lonely and single, it's okay to not know the unknown, and it's quite okay to be as vulnerable as I am right now. Despite the thoughts I may be thinking right now and the feelings I may be feeling right now. Because I know I'm alive, my heart's beating, my lungs are filling with oxygen, and the blood is pumping through my veins; I will not let this effect me, I will not let this defeat me.
About the Creator
Mary McMichael
Hello, I'm Mary McMichael and I'm the founder of Survivors For Justice. I am in the process of writing my own book, getting my bachelor's in digital media, have a mind for creativity, and a big heart for people.
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