Authenticity Complex

I'm constantly caught between wanting to tell you it all

And knowing it's safer and easier to keep up a wall.

You see I'm afraid that if I share all of what's inside

You'll just want to find someone with a simpler mind.

Know I'm complicated, I can be hard to understand

But I think given time you'll see why I'm the way I am.

Really, that's the one thing that I hope,

With my honesty you'll see how I cope

You’ll see my quirks as strengths developed

To relieve me from so many painful relics.

Could you look at my view of the world,

And see more than a deeply troubled girl?

I'm hesitant, but I'm feeling a bit inspired.

Sure, I'm downtrodden, exhausted, tired,

But I also feel hopeful, naive and more alive

Than I've been able to feel in quite a long time.

Longing feeling makes me think I'm on the edge

Of getting better or jumping off that ledge.

I'm not ready to plummet and leave nothing behind,

Let me in so that I have something to show for my time.

Yes I know, I am a huge mess,

I hope you get that I'm trying my best!

I really hope that's enough

To someday earn someone's love.

Nothing comes easily to me anymore,

And everything I write's sad, a bore.

I want to embrace my feelings,

To escape the ceaseless reeling,

But don't want to depress you.

Ideally I'd impress you,

Just not sure I have it in me,

My truth isn't too pretty.

I wish you could view me

With the same disdain

That I have to, to be able

To get through the day.

I know I ask a lot but I don't need your affection,

Not trying to demand too much of your attention.

I just think I'm ready to test the waters,

It’s really okay if your interest falters.

Ready to offer the truest form of myself

Even if it means you realize you need something else.

I can't keep on living a figure in disguise,

Although it's easier I know it's not right.

I want to take something with me to my tomb,

I'll have to be honest and feel something soon!

That thought may be really, truly terrifying,

But I'm waiting for living to feel less like dying.

If being vulnerable means feeling alive,

I just might be willing to give it a try.