Ashamed

I’m scared of how happy I would be to see you

To see any of my friends

Would they see the sadness in my eyes

And have the worst possible reaction

To pity me

And yet I feel like I can’t reach out

Because I vent to often

I feel too much

I might become a bother

They’ll read it and think

Here we go again

How do I tell them I want to hangout

Without turning it in to a monologue

About missing them

About being tired of coming home

And no one being there to speak to

No one that is just happy to see me

No adventures to be had

Just the same old routine

Humans weren’t meant to be alone

I don’t want to get used to it

I was so close to happiness

But it’s back to same old same old

Can’t believe I thought it would be different here

I even thought I was getting better

But I’m back to being ashamed of my own feelings

I’m going to make sure no one ever feels like this around me