And So I Ran

Tonight was meant to be so special, so wonderful, so sacred. I dressed my in my gothic glamourous uniform, a delicate sight of to be hold he who I desire, for I then walked down the street to the rock bar we had agreed to meet, but such cruel lies you spun, I was a fool not to see, or at least so I thought.

I arrived to the rock bar only to watch you kissing her, the unknown woman who you have clearly been secretly courting behind my back, that moment in time stopped as my heart shattered like glass within my chest, I had no strength, but I could feel my eyes wide with hurt from this heart breaking sight set out before me.

I don't remember where I tossed the ring that had once adorn my wedding finger, a ring that was your promise to me to be loyal and true, such a cruel joke of you. For all I remember I could of thrown that laughable promise ring it at you, I just know its gone now for my hand feels empty now.

I remember turning on my heels and running and I don't know where I am now, but I know its raining, yet this rain can not make my make up steaks any worse, for my tears had ruined my make up long before it began to rain. And now I stand breathless leaning against the wall trying to hold myself up right, my chest so tight, my heart so sore while my eyes are stringing I seem to be unable to keep them open, while my legs are throbbing and my knees buckling like jelly beneath my weight.

My once elegant heeled shoes are broken, as I pull each shoe from my foot tossing them to near by street bin, but I can no longer hold myself up right, this pain is crippling me.

As I slide down the wall I had been leaning again, crying even harder than before, I can now no longer see for my eyes are closed with tears that never end. I don't notice the sound of the car pulling up near by, or the footsteps of someone approaching me, for he knelt down in front of me, his hand outstretched and with a soft voice said "I think this belongs to you."

It was only then when I looked up, but only looking at the palm of his outstretched hand to see that cursed ring, and to see it was him before me.

For nothing stopped me now, my hand a balled fist, as blood dripped down his top lip, I felt so enraged, such a fool I was if only I would have listened. But in my mind at the time no words could explain the rage, hate, or pain that I felt, but oh how I wish I could turn back time and stop myself before that moment.

You stood up stepping back away from me, shocked by my actions, and with that selfish act of my own I watched you turn and walk back to your car with one final look over your shoulder, did I really want it to be fully over? I could have stopped him leaving, I should have stopped him, but there I stood, the fool I am, still filled with raging and pain, but not from the his betrayal but by my own selfish act, shocked by my own heart break and there I stood in pouring rain watching he the man I love leave, no real goodbye, no truth.

I hoped that he would be home when I returned, but I returned to an empty apartment, there we no signs he had even been there and yet his belongings remained, I curled up like a coward on the sofa, weeping like the selfish fool I was, hoping he would return, the minuets turning bitterly to hours and so time went on.

Months have past since that night, you never did return and your things still litter our apartment, and that night, that night haunts me still.

I found out that that you were never having an affair, that women was your sister, that you as ever were loyal, but oh how I wish I could turn back time to that night and reach out to you, to talk to you, to make things right before I lost you forever.

That night haunts me still, it will always haunt me, but not for the reasons of feeling you had betrayed me but by my own jealousy, rage, such stupid rage. My heart hurts because I never stopped to listen, I never gave you that chance to tell me, like always I was too hot headed to even stop and think, and now your gone, completely from this world, no goodbye.

You died that night, your car spun off the road in that pouring rain and hit a tree, oh how they tried to bring you back to this life, but nothing could be done to bring you back to this world, I made it to the hospital where they were fighting for your life, trying everything they could, those machines were not strong enough, even with me walking to your bed begging you, pleading you to come back, but all I heard was silence from the final beats of your heart.

And so I left, with nothing just a painfully memory, not even goodbye, I know it's all my fault and so that night haunts me still, that night I ran.