An Irritable Bastard's Prayer

Please, [my darling] stay in the box in my memory that I created for you.

We had a perfect night, representing everything a healthy relationship is supposed to be—it tied a nice little bow on my memory of you.

But now you keep trying to climb out of the box. You keep trying to turn that perfect night into a lifetime, and I’m not… I can’t… I need you to stay in that box, [my love].

If you exist outside of the box, outside of the perfect memory, then that means you are real—that means I have no choice but to love you, [my heart]. If I let you out of that box for a single moment I won’t be able to ignore this.

If you and I became We the perfect memory would become incomplete—instead of representing the whole of Us it would just be the beginning. Our end would remain unknown.

I can’t deal with the unknown, [my light]. I’m not ready to find out what hard times by your side would look like. Please, let the ending be known, let it stay perfect.

Put down your phone, leave the message drafted and unsent. Don’t pry out of the box I put you in. [The box with my other half.]

In my memories we were perfect, but in reality we might hurt—I don’t want to hurt you… I can’t bear to be hurt by you. I might die if I was betrayed by you, too.

Please, don’t record the kind voicemail, don’t send the text that encourages me in the way only you can. Don’t think of me. Don’t exist outside of my memory.

[You are the rest of my soul, and I can't bear the thought of an ending. Let us live forever in my perfect memory.]