Always Say What You Mean

Where did this obsession come from?

I cant escape it, no matter how far I run.

This isn't the person I was supposed to be.

God please tell me what to do, I'm down on my knees.

I have no more strength to fight, I need you more than ever before.

I need something big to happen, for you to open up a door.

Please help me stop resisting all the plans you had for my life.

I'm so tired of all the drama, all the stress, and all the strife.

I know what I need to do to get things under control.

But every time I try, it's like the devil owns my soul.

I turn into a person that I don't even know.

This time around has been the lowest of my lows.

How did this happen, how did I lose all control.

Every time I think about it, I just load another bowl.

I know it's not the answer, and it really doesn't help.

But for a moment it makes me numb to everything except myself.

I want myself to hurt, I deserve to feel the pain.

I'd be disgusted with myself if I felt anything but shame.

Who am I kidding, I already make myself sick.

I am slowly, but surely beginning to lose my grip.

My grip on reality has somehow become tainted.

I wish a whole new life could be written or painted.

That would be so great I swear, it would make things much more simple.

Instead I feel like it's picture day and I woke up with a pimple.

I'm constantly at war with myself, do I go to rehab, or look for a job.

Who am I kidding, I definitely need treatment before I let myself get robbed.

Robbed of my future, my children, and all of my dreams.

That's exactly where I'm heading if I don't get myself clean.

I feel so lost and alone right now, and that's probably because I am.

I totally understand the ones I love have had to make a stand.

I seen how it easy it would be for me to kill my children's mother.

I almost did it by accident, and that would be a pain unlike no other.

I've been so selfish, I'm so ashamed of myself.

This stuff has got to stop, I have got to get some help.

My babies need their mommy back, and dear God I so need them.

I have to put a stop to this, it's time for it to end.

I feel so lost and helpless, I could really use a friend.

A friend who cares enough to hold me accountable for my actions.

One who won't be scared to tick me off, when I start to lose my traction.

I need strong minded people to help watch and guide my steps.

I would love to live each day full of happiness, with no regrets.

To have my children look up to me seems like an impossible dream.

But nothing is impossible if you do what you say, and always say what you mean.