About A Girl

A single smile in my direction

and the words

“it’s because you’re pretty”

and I’m hooked

hooked like a caught fish

stuck with my mouth gaping

arms flailing

eyes wide

my mouth,

unable to form words

face blossoming into a tomato,

I flee.

Pounding in my chest

my face numb,

and then

a flash of a smile

behind clenched eyes

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

This overwhelming feeling,

panic,

has my feet rooted in place,

my hand gripping my chest.

It’s too much.

I can’t feel this way,

not about you.

Not about a girl.

But fuck,

that smile won’t leave me alone.

Days pass,

and I dream

about holding you in my arms,

and waking up to that beautiful smile

I can picture us easily,

Hands clasped by the water,

kissing under the blanket of stars

smiles hidden behind inside jokes

We feel effortless.

A bucket of ice water

is dumped on my thoughts,

and the image reel

comes to a halt

There is fear

of losing my family,

of losing my friends.

Is that worse

than losing you?

But then I remember,

that smile on our first day,

the smile that took my breath,

and brought a blush to my cheeks

and set a million butterflies free throughout my body

And I know then,

there are a lot of things

I can live without

but your smile

is not one of them.