A monster

The sun sets the moon comes out. I finally get into bed to just toss and turn…..

My mind begins to scramble,my body becomes weak I feel as if it’s been a goddamn week…..

Back in the house I remember I had whatever I want. A new bed,a new room,new window shades even to a new name. I had whatever I wanted. A loving family that I never would’ve thought I would’ve had…….

These flashbacks come to haunt me and bring me to a place where I don’t want to go.Almost like someone grabbed me by the hand and is dragging me through the dark cave with spider webs,and a lake with alligators…..

I toss and turn thinking about how good I had it. But for some reason I needed to fuck it up…..

Sitting in ER I remember my dad saying what’s gotten into you? Idk I was so lost and just didn’t know what hit me…..

Day in day out I try to wrap my head around it but I just can’t. How was I so evil ? How was I so fucked up?

Just do me a favor and wash the dishes please that’s all we ask…… sure I say as I take dish by dish acting carelessly as I chip a dish here and there. Not giving a fuck about anything…..

These flashbacks haunt me like no tomorrow and it only creeps up on me when I want to go to bed. I feel as if I’m dead…….

Chanukah came and all i wanted was a new lifelike baby doll…. Which is what I got. From the outfits,to the blankets, to the accessories everything i wanted….

Is was one threat, one word, that destroyed everything in my power. I wish back then I wasn’t so sour…….

And so here I lay tossing and turning reminiscing about my past only to find out I was the monster behind the mask ……..