A Love Letter to the Gifted Kids with Burnout, the Kids Who Didn't Get Accepted into College, and the Kids Who Have No Idea What They're Doing With Their Lives

Four of the best years of my life

Wasted on lifting the weight of a perfect GPA over my head

And trading hours of much needed rest with my family

With extracurricular after extracurricular.

From the moment my alarm shocked me awake at five in the morning

To the second I stumbled into bed sore and exhausted,

There was always something more that needed done.

Going to bed at a decent hour was not an option,

Not with that essay due the next morning

And my incessant perfectionism requiring that each sentence be researched and constructed flawlessly.

Bringing schoolwork home, too, was not acceptable

As rehearsals and practices ran 'til Mom's pot roast sizzled in the oven for dinner,

So every spare moment between classes and assignments

Was spent catching up.

A single weekend could not be spared for a sleepover or a party

Without sacrificing some crucial impact on my future.

If grades slipped,

No college would think I was smart enough.

If I missed a single day of my after-school activities,

No college would think I was dedicated enough.

They require you to be within the top tier of your class

And ask you to spend every waking moment making art,

Or volunteering,

Or contemplating some other way to benefit the world and make your mark.

There is no need for the prospective student to be mentally well, though.

So long as they perform exceptionally,

Any and all sacrifices must be made.

And so, as I stand in the gymnasium I've known for half a decade

And listen to the names of my classmates being called to receive their diplomas,

I can't help but wonder if they know.

They must, right?

It's not my name they hear as the endless list of scholarships is awarded.

It's not my name on the principal's lips as he states who is valedictorian.

No, my name is just one in a sea of hundreds of others who have been forgotten by their peers,

Either because they've never been particularly interesting

Or because they've lost the thing that made them stand out.

So yes, they must know that the college I put my plethora of hopes and dreams on

Did not see potential in me.

They must know I'm staying home next fall,

Watching out my window as my childhood friends become doctors,

And lawyers,

And change lives.

I could be making a difference too,

Using what I thought made me unique and special

To make others smile and forget their troubles.

Instead, I'm lost.

It's as though a year of my life has been scribbled down on a scrap sheet of paper,

Only I still have to live through each bump and squiggle in the graphite.

Yes, I could spend my time providing for my family,

Or educating myself in areas of interest,

Or doing absolutely anything at all,

But when you put everything into a race and still finish last

You can't help but feel burnt out,

Like a candle that has long faded,

Melted wax dripping down your sconce,

Not allowed to be relit for an entire year.

And so I self-isolate

And contemplate all the amazing things I could be accomplishing,

All while laying sprawled on my bedsheets and hugging my pillow tight against my chest.

Deep down,

I know I'm not alone.

I have an amazing support system that,

Out of sheer luck,

Is comprised of some of the greatest friends and family members

I could ever ask for.

There's people all over the world who are in my situation, too,

Only they might not realize there are friends who understand.

There are times in life when things just aren't going to work the way we want,

or even expect them to,

But the universe is telling you something far greater is headed your way.

You weren't meant for that school,

Or major,

Or career,

And that's okay.

It's no one's fault,

Especially not yours.

You may think your test scores weren't high enough

And that you should have spent more time in soup kitchens on the holidays,

But these things are tricky.

Most likely?

You were qualified,

Probably overqualified.

But there are so many jaw-dropping people in this world,

And you're just one of many

Who are all gunning for the same opportunity.

We can't beat ourselves up.

We can, however, take this year to heal

And find out what is important to us

And where we are truly supposed to be.