A love I always dreamed of

I wanted nothing more than someone to love.

My whole life I thought nothing other than, who will I marry? Or who will I love?

My whole life I was surrounded by this idea of having a perfect relationship and a perfect love story.

I had this idea of perfect.

I had this idea of what everything would feel like and be like, but I forgot about the person.

So I’d fall asleep and imagine my wedding yet I never saw a face on the man in the dream with me.

As things went on I had created this whole love story without half the story.

So I started thinking of what the other half could be.

First I listed everything I look for: not clingy, attractive, sweet, friends, not dependent, taller than me in heels.

After listing things if what I wanted I realized, I’m not just gonna find some guy and boom, it’s him, Mr. perfect.

So I realized maybe Mr. perfect isn’t perfect right away, but he becomes perfect as the story progresses.

But then I realized, maybe I’m just not relationship material. Maybe I just don’t work like others do. I don’t want someone to want to be with me every second of every day. I want them to live there life and I’m just there living it with them.

I don’t want them to always want to touch me. I don’t want them to want to live with me after a year. I don’t want them to cancel plans because of me. I don’t want to be known as his girlfriend.

I don’t want to be just a number. I don’t want to be just a girl to someone.

I want to be someone’s world but also someone’s partner to fight the harsh world.

I try and try and try to do everything alone, but the truth is, I want someone there.

Only problem is, nobody sticks with the girl who knows what she wants.

No one sticks with the girl who loves to easily but pushes you away because she’s terrified.

I guess all joking and wishing aside. I want love. I want what my mom and dad had one day long ago, but I want it to stay stronger than they did.

I want a love that makes me forget I was ever an unloved child.