A Best Friend Poem

Dear Eliza,

Because of you, I am now haunted by the ghost of best friend's hurt. You made me realize that you can be someone’s best friend without them being yours.

Seventeen years after meeting you, I had to cut the umbilical cord of our friendship. I had to cut the very thing that fed it and kept it alive. Because when I needed you most you left me helpless. I asked you to be there this one time but you chose date night with your boyfriend (whom you live with) over me. How could you? After all the hurt you had already caused me? After all that I had done for you and your son? Most of my contributions were not monetary in value… which, in my opinion, makes matters much worse.

But when I was sick and needed an escape from the craziness in my house, that was exacerbating my illness… somehow you still failed to be there for me. I bet you regret all of the times you chose other people over me because you knew I would be there for you no matter what. Because… well, you were wrong.

I'm at a place where, if the only consistency you bring to my life involves drama and pain, you can promptly exit stage left.

Or, I'll do it for you

Sandman in full effect.

As they say, “Fool me once, shame on you.”

But fool me twice (or however many times I let you take advantage of me)... that's on me.

Yes, I take full accountability.

I let you hurt me, time and time again… so, I did this to myself.

The truth of the matter is, you showed me who you were long ago.

But I continued to see you as who I needed you to be.

But no more.

I'm done with the masochism by proxy.

I choose to release your ghost.

I choose freedom.

I choose happiness.

I choose me.

Dear Jay’Neisha,

You enter in as the ghost of best friend's past. The one that slipped away because I allowed my depression to take me over. I’m sorry that I didn’t confide in you, regarding the darkness that I couldn't see through. I didn’t want you to see me as weak. I now know that you would have understood what I was going through.

When we were in the same Pre-K class, who could we have known that we would be best friends later down the road? You made high school (which for many people, is one of the most difficult times in life) a wonderful experience for me. You pushed me to be a better version of who I was. Because of your inspiration and motivation I allowed myself to rise to heights I never knew I could be at. Looking down to see where I had come from, to see the obsolete me. My GPA for junior year was nearly a 4.0 because you kept telling me that my future was bright. I wanted to prove you right, I wanted to follow in your footsteps. Now look at you… a future Attorney. I am immensely proud of you! And I am still here for you if you need… I hope you know that.

Friends, you can't trust them as far as you can throw them

Well, sometimes you have to throw them out

Just as fast as you catch them

They're easy to catch like a cold

But keeping them is like trying to breathe underwater

Pointless

Not all of them are this way

Some stay with you

They become the mole on the side of your face

Your relationship is the wind of a hurricane

Strong flowing and not easily stopped

There are not too many people you put in front of them

They support you like a spine, they have your back

Life is seeming to have no meaning without them

These people who we call our friends

But use the word lightly because they can not be reversed

So when your words come to life

Remember some just might turn on you

But you never did

Because I turned on myself

Dear Mareta,

Here you come, as the ghost of best friend’s present… and foreseeable future. The one who was there even when I hurt you. Girl… you solid!

You were there through my crippling illness… even when your twin Eliza wasn’t. Even after I (unintentionally) made you feel like I left your side to be on hers. Despite all of that, you still opened your home to me so I could escape the pain that surrounded me in mine. You named me the Godmother to your son, which shows how much you trust me.

We may have our little fights but when push comes to shove, we always come back together. I just want you to know that everything that I said that hurt you, was to push you toward your full potential. But I get it… it's not what you say, it's how you say it. So, again I am sorry for not taking the time to slow down and come up with thoughtful responses. And I know you forgive me for those things, because that is who you are… a compassionate person who loves past the faults. And I want you to know that I see how much you have changed. Maybe it’s because you took my advice, or maybe it's because you wanted the change on your own. Either way, I am proud of you for turning things around.

This bond that has formed is an unbreakable one

One that has been transformed by the love of true friendship

A friendship that many seek to find, even in fractions of what we have

Though not perfected, it is full and unwavering

And may our relationship continue to grow like a tree

Changing seasons may make it lose its leaves

But it dies not

For the seed of our friendship is forever, planted firmly in the soil

Soil that will nourish it and sustain its life