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Your Validation Isn't Needed

Your Support is Invaluable

By Judey Kalchik Published 5 months ago 3 min read
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As part of a training exercise, I shared both a personal and professional goal for the coming quarter. We had two minutes to decide these goals and be ready to share them. There is a power in stating your goals aloud. You get to hear it the way other people hear your thoughts.

It’s a sobering thought to give voice to things that are of prime importance to you. Many people were shy and looked up at the ceiling or down at their shoes as they spoke. Some of the folks in the group prefaced their goals with statements such as:

  • This might not seem very important…
  • I just want to…..
  • This is a little thing….
  • I guess this is silly, but….

Here’s the thing: all of the things were important to the person speaking. They had two minutes to allow the cream of their desires to rise to the top of their dreams. This is not a silly thing. This is not unimportant.

This could very well be life-changing. It’s giving voice to the split-second decisions we may never need to make. It’s the stuff of board games, where people need to guess if you are telling the truth:

  • What will I take out of my home in a fire?
  • What will I bring to a deserted island?
  • If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life, what would it be?
  • What is the only book I would choose if I could only read one more book?

Except.

Except your life’s goals are more sobering, aren’t they? Those goals, when followed, direct the moments of our lives as we pursue and strive for them.

Author Annie Dillard made this very clear in her book The Writing Life, when she wrote

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

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During the meeting, to a person, all of the statements no matter how timidly they were given were met with applause.

  • Encouragement was voiced.
  • Correlations to past successes made.
  • First steps needed to meet the goals suggested.
  • Offers of accountability.
  • Resources proposed.
  • Assurances that successes would be triumphed and celebrated.

A quote was shared, too. And that quote has racketed around my memory. I tried to find the source to attribute it; the most frequent suggestions is that it came from author and motivational speaker Darren Hardy.

“Don’t wait for anyone’s permission in order to be successful.”

I agree with that.

It also brought me to consider this truth that came to me as I was endlessly circling a municipal parking lot and found the sign hanging on every floor reminding people of the new pay arrangements.

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Validation is only needed for parking slips. - (which is a pretty huge leap for a professional people-pleaser):

What happened that day wasn’t validation. The opinions of others weren’t needed to make the shared goals valid. Not needed to make them official.

They were valid and official the moment the words were spoken aloud. The moment when the heart called to them they were formed past wishes and into intentions.

What happened that day was encouragement.

It was recognition of hopes and dreams turning into goals and intentions. It was empathy. It was community. That was most certainly needed, appreciated, and taken to heart to be carried onward in the journey.

What are your most important personal and professional goals?

Are these two goals (personal and professional) equal in your mind? Does one have more meaning to you than the other?

Where are you spending your time?

~~

First- thank you to everyone that has given me support and encouragement as I explored my passion for writing.

Second- I encourage you to reflect on your own passions and dreams. Share them in the comments if you like!

~ portions of this article were first published by me on the Medium writing platform.

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About the Creator

Judey Kalchik

It's my time to find and use my voice.

Poetry, short stories, memories, and a lot of things I think and wish I'd known a long time ago.

You can also find me on Medium

And please follow me on Threads, too!

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Comments (9)

  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarran5 months ago

    I think the reason they felt it was silly or unimportant is because that's a trauma response. Maybe in the past, when they've expressed themselves, it was deemed silly or maybe the listener didn't seem to care. I have this trauma response so that resonated deeply with me. But yes, you're right, we don't need that validation!

  • Kenny Penn5 months ago

    I really love your inspirational writings, Judey. They are always so on point and relevant. This one feels like a challenge to the self, and it’s a good one worth reflecting on

  • Great questions. Similar introductions to responses I've given for a long time during my annual consultations with our District Superintendents. "To be faithful," has been my answer to both for well over a decade now. To be faithful in my ministry, relationships, & in all that I do. I continue to fail miserably, but the goals remain.

  • Jay Kantor5 months ago

    Dear Mrs. Judey - What a very interesting perspective re; 'Validation'. Each time a new associate ventured into my office over the years for my approval. My comment: "Please make a mistake on your own ...you won't need me the next time." L'Chaim ~ To Life ~ j.in.l.a.

  • Donna Fox (HKB)5 months ago

    Judy this was so insightful and eye opening for me!! That phrase "validation is only needed for parking tickets" is so powerful!! I love the idea of working towards not needing the validation from anyone but yourself, so inspiring!! Great article here, thank you for sharing this!!

  • Cathy holmes5 months ago

    You're right. We don't need our goals to be validated (I say, even as I've spent a lifetime being taught by myself and others that I do). Now u just need to convince myself.

  • Alex H Mittelman 5 months ago

    “Don’t wait for anyone’s permission in order to be successful.” I won’t! Thank you for a great article!

  • J. Delaney-Howe5 months ago

    Validation is only needed for parking slips. That line stuck out, especially to me. I am always looking for validation. I would love to break that need.

  • Stephanie Hoogstad5 months ago

    I think part of my problem with achieving goals is that I look for validation from outside sources. You’re right that encouragement and support are nice and needed, but I don’t NEED my goals to be validated in order to achieve them, whether it’s writing a full-length book or finally finding a way to move out of my hometown. Thank you for reminding me of that.

Judey Kalchik Written by Judey Kalchik

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