Your Validation Isn't Needed

As part of a training exercise, I shared both a personal and professional goal for the coming quarter. We had two minutes to decide these goals and be ready to share them. There is a power in stating your goals aloud. You get to hear it the way other people hear your thoughts.

It’s a sobering thought to give voice to things that are of prime importance to you. Many people were shy and looked up at the ceiling or down at their shoes as they spoke. Some of the folks in the group prefaced their goals with statements such as:

• This might not seem very important…
• I just want to…..
• This is a little thing….
• I guess this is silly, but….

Here’s the thing: all of the things were important to the person speaking. They had two minutes to allow the cream of their desires to rise to the top of their dreams. This is not a silly thing. This is not unimportant.

This could very well be life-changing. It’s giving voice to the split-second decisions we may never need to make. It’s the stuff of board games, where people need to guess if you are telling the truth:

• What will I take out of my home in a fire?
• What will I bring to a deserted island?
• If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life, what would it be?
• What is the only book I would choose if I could only read one more book?

Except.

Except your life’s goals are more sobering, aren’t they? Those goals, when followed, direct the moments of our lives as we pursue and strive for them.

Author Annie Dillard made this very clear in her book The Writing Life, when she wrote

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

During the meeting, to a person, all of the statements no matter how timidly they were given were met with applause.

• Encouragement was voiced.
• Correlations to past successes made.
• First steps needed to meet the goals suggested.
• Offers of accountability.
• Resources proposed.
• Assurances that successes would be triumphed and celebrated.

A quote was shared, too. And that quote has racketed around my memory. I tried to find the source to attribute it; the most frequent suggestions is that it came from author and motivational speaker Darren Hardy.

“Don’t wait for anyone’s permission in order to be successful.”

I agree with that.

It also brought me to consider this truth that came to me as I was endlessly circling a municipal parking lot and found the sign hanging on every floor reminding people of the new pay arrangements.

Validation is only needed for parking slips. - (which is a pretty huge leap for a professional people-pleaser):

What happened that day wasn’t validation. The opinions of others weren’t needed to make the shared goals valid. Not needed to make them official.

They were valid and official the moment the words were spoken aloud. The moment when the heart called to them they were formed past wishes and into intentions.

What happened that day was encouragement.

It was recognition of hopes and dreams turning into goals and intentions. It was empathy. It was community. That was most certainly needed, appreciated, and taken to heart to be carried onward in the journey.

What are your most important personal and professional goals?

Are these two goals (personal and professional) equal in your mind? Does one have more meaning to you than the other?

Where are you spending your time?

~~

First- thank you to everyone that has given me support and encouragement as I explored my passion for writing.

Second- I encourage you to reflect on your own passions and dreams. Share them in the comments if you like!

~ portions of this article were first published by me on the Medium writing platform.