Why I Survived? My Truths, Story, & Journey

What Is My Story?

For those reading this you probably assumed I’m going to write about a fantasy, mystery, or something crazy bizarre. I’m laughing because it’s nothing like that. I’d rather leave you speechless and puzzled about why I did this.

My fear of writing this goes deep but I know in the end the message is going to be very clear. I’m honestly going to share why I don’t regret walking my path in life. My morale’s, the love I have for myself, and why I’m humble and grateful for everything I do have. This journey of my life that doesn’t stop here, it keeps growing.

My Past:

Why I only remember dreams from the age of five and older? I don’t know it has always been something I questioned and still don’t understand why I’m alive. As a child I had some extreme, horrific, and imaginary vivid dreams. They scared me to the point I never knew if they were real or not. These dreams no one would probably believe unless you are part of my spiritual tribe.

I felt like my world was full of misery. Not understanding why my innocents was taken at a very young age by so many who definitely knew better. “Meaning: Old enough to know right from wrong. Well educated, and very much aware of their toxic behaviors.”

I lived a life of molestation, rape, physical, verbal and relationship abuse. Abuse I didn’t understand until I went to therapy and it was revealed to me that I still had so much anger built up that I never dealt with. This trauma left me unable to heal and move on with my life, I wasn’t living.

The trauma was unbearable because it happened from my childhood into my adulthood. My voice was mute, silenced, fearful, and unheard for a majority of my life. People who saw the outside of me would say “I’m weird, shy, strange, distant, boring, not popular etc." That wasn’t it, I was drowning from pain, no love, no support. The burden was so much that I couldn’t carry it by myself. However, I did not realizing it until now.

The pressure to hide this secret lasted for decades. Some people passed away while others still walk the streets freely. Not knowing that karma will eventually play its part; if it hasn’t already. My friends, family, and co-workers who don’t know me would laugh behind my back and point their finger not realizing how hurt I was underneath. They did everything they could to help break me without asking me about the truth and what really happened? What I will never understand is why people laugh and joke about everything today? The laughing stops when an incident occurs to them or someone they love!

My Present:

How am I doing now? After years of therapy, three military wars I survived, and a spiritual awakening which had me speechless. The light bulb went off and I started expressing my authentic self. I decided not to ever change who I am for anyone ever again. Some of the people who bought me pain I still interacted with, I tried to buy their love. To top it off, I even had someone who assaulted me live under the same roof with me. My reasons doesn’t matter, my heart has always been the same genuine. I would never hurt or retaliate against those who have done it to me. My faith and belief pushed me to keep going even when I wanted to not be here anymore. When I cried, won awards, received promotions, no one I knew was there to support me.

The support and help I wanted or needed as a child I didn’t get. I couldn’t cry much because the beatings got worse, so I sucked it up and dealt with it the best I knew how. I don’t think any child, woman, or man should face any kind of physical abuse period. The family, friends, and acquittances I once knew I let go. I have had the strength and courage to face my enemies head on my speaking my truths. The one thing killers, liars, and pedophiles hate is the truth being exposed. I know myself and others have stood the test of time by surviving and not being a victims where are voices are being heard.

Every day I wake up to freedom, positivity, and happiness. I’m not sad, hurt, or even angry. The worse is over now that I have reached the top of the mountain without anyone’s help. While I’m living my life, the people I once knew are still hating me for being humble and speaking out like I shouldn’t. I’m blessed that I believed in myself and had the strength of God beside me helping to heal my inner child where I became whole again.

My Future:

I always tell new people who come into my life “I wish I had an advocate like myself growing up because I think things would have definitely ended differently.” However, I don’t regret walking this path or the life lessons that lead me to being strong to the point I don’t look back. The past was a way for me to build a sturdy foundation and legacy that no one else in my family will ever do. My words and my creativity is what has gotten me this far and I’m going to continue moving on with smiles from here on.

Not only am I healing my life, I’m helping others get on a beautiful journey too. Regardless of them saying anything I already know I have followers and people watching to see what’s next. I want you to continue watching me grow into the Boss I should have been a long time ago. I realize my past won’t define what I can still have and do. I’m glad my supporters were strangers who believed in me. “I’m living my best life ever, Not in a world full of toxicity!”

Thank you for reading this post. All I ask is for you to like, share, and comment!