Why I Now Believe Everyone Is Doing the Best They Can

“You never know what a person is going through in secret. No matter how happy a person looks, how big his laughter is, how big his smile is, there can still be an unexplained degree of injury. So be kind. Even if others are not present, choose to be kind. ”~ Andrea Russett

Everyone is doing their best. When they can do better, they will.

"I do not agree," he said. “I see people who always do their best!”

Prior to 2006, I had many complaints about the world and the people around me, including my parents, friends, and coworkers. I felt that no one cared about me. Or at least he didn’t care enough to try to do better. People seem to be doing very little to get or only what directly benefits them. They did not care how they affected others. They certainly did not care about me.

I had problems with my family that I couldn't understand, such as how my parents treated me, how they talked or no longer had it, and how they weren't around me. Everything I found in my family seemed to be the exact opposite of how parents love their children was appreciated.

In addition to my family's flexibility, I have seen others with various family issues. From financial problems, household chores, anger and neglect, to abuse.

My view of humanity and my prospects for happiness were bleak and hopeless.

I went to treatment, I went to workshops, I tried support groups, but nothing answered the hot question I had in mind: “Why do people continue to behave the way they do when they can change? WHY? ”

Then, in 2006, I attended a three-day meeting conducted by the late Dr. Lee Gibson. It has changed my perspective forever.

Lee, as we all call him love, was a brilliant psychologist who taught us on a solid spiritual basis. It was my first experience of seeing everything from a holistic perspective, and I was hungry for more. I still apply all of his teachings today.

Of all the Leeisms he shared, it was the understanding, “Everyone does his best. When they do better, they will do it ”that shone on my head. It would free me from the emotional snare I had created for myself.

Admittedly, it took me a while to fully understand and accept that idea. I wouldn’t let everyone get too easy. Every time I was in pain, I was ignored, and betrayed. What about my parents who are not tired, my boss, or my boyfriend? Why should I give them the benefit of the doubt?

After that it dawned on me that I was actually doing very well at the moment but I still felt sad, angry, inadequate in many areas of my life. Not because I didn't try, or because I didn't want to be better, but because I didn't always know the right things to say or do. I was full of confusion and uncertainty most of the time, plagued by my past thoughts. To the best of my knowledge, I have never chosen a smaller option if I knew there was a better way. It turned out that I was the first person I needed to offer that doubtful benefit.

If others are going through the same ordeal, bound by emotional anguish and words of pride, then I can hardly believe that they cannot help themselves as I came out of those patterns until they know and have the right tools to do so.

Life events are not stressful, and most of us are not able to adjust to each situation over and over again until we are ready (like Groundhog Day). We are often given the opportunity to respond to whatever is thrown at us unexpectedly. What we need to go through is what we learned at a young age from our caregivers or counselors. Although we suspect that they were not the best methods, we are still not sure which methods are best.

It was as if a weight had been lifted off my body. My mind felt more open, and I started a kind of social test by slowing down, looking up.