Why I can’t ever finish self-help books

I’m big on reading self-help books. It’s as if when there is no one else to guide you, there is someone in printed words whispering that this might be the best solution for your problems, easing a tad of loneliness from your life. Sometimes, a stack of papers can give you more comfort than no humans could ever provide.

Everyone says that as years pass, you’ll become more aware of how you want to live life, and that will reflect in your life choices.

Well, apparently that awareness sort of skipped me. I was clueless about life: what career to choose, whom to love, what’s right, what’s wrong. I kept on questioning everything. Most of my major life decisions were based purely on guesswork and whatever trend was happening at the moment.

Yes, you heard me right. That’s primarily how I ended up in the wrong profession and fell in love with the wrong person. My young age and lack of touch with reality were also contributing factors.

Nevertheless, I was desperate for answers. My mind overflowed with questions. I was too embarrassed to ask them - not even sure if they were real questions. It always felt like, apart from me, everyone else had a perfectly figured-out life. As if only I had this never-ending confusion. Scared that I might be branded stupid, I turned to books. At least they wouldn’t judge me. And so, my self-help book journey began.

At the start, I could easily finish a book. As I turned each page, I craved what was coming next because these were the desperate answers I had been searching for. I was thrilled that there were people out there who had actually written a 300-page book addressing my so-called stupid questions that had been eating my brain away. Maybe my nagging questions weren’t so stupid after all.

But then, tada! Finished the book, but no change in my life.

I’m the old me, facing the same problems, having the same doubts, stuck in the same old cycle.

I initially thought the more books I read, the more I’d be able to tackle life, but as years passed by, I finally understood: Unless you apply what you read, it won’t ever make a penny’s difference in your life. We’re talking about changing mindsets and rewiring perspectives - things that have been built like a concrete wall in my mind for years.

And oh boy, let me tell you, changing even the slightest of these beliefs is hard work. Overwriting them is a constant, 24/7 tiring process. It feels as though convincing a random stranger is much easier than challenging your own beliefs. But I was willing to make the sacrifice. I really wanted to change. I was very well aware that harder decisions made today will pay off in the long run.

From this point of realization, I’ve never been able to finish a self-help book. I read something, and if it’s something I truly wish to implement in my life, it’s at least a year’s effort. I keep returning to the same pages, the same words, over and over again - until they become reality in my life. Most of the time it was just a paragraph of mighty words I was trying to embed into my life. And have no doubt, it’s an absolutely tiring process. But at the end of the day, you can only judge yourself by the actions you take, not by the thoughts you change.

This is a very important lesson: when it comes to self-help, rushing through a book, post, or article does you no good. You can only use it to boast to others about how much you’ve read. That’s it - no further use. If you pick up a book hoping the wisdom will change you, then you should be willing to do the work, and it’s absolute hard work. But the rewards? Try and experience them for yourself.

Originally published in my Medium blog.