Why Giving Up Is Actually Beneficial

Quit? Never! That was me: I've failed to end relationships that had clearly crossed the red line, and when there was every indication to stop I still hung in there with the hope that tomorrow will be better. It’s a curse, really, and one that has brought plenty of unwanted drama into my life. But when I ask myself why letting myself give up on this relationship feels so damn hard, my only answer is that I’ll be branded a quitter without the understanding that quitting can be the positive process of choosing the path that more fully serves your highest good.

I thought I was right being the perfect guy in waiting and putting her first but truth be told, I was too scared of divorce and rejection. Whenever we found ourselves in an argument she would say “I'm leaving” and with the fear of divorce that was deep rooted in me, i would give in and apologize. Fear can often make us feel like there's a dark figure lurking over our shoulders, judging our every move as wrong or embarrassing. But, sometimes that feeling is more internal than external., so without knowing I unconsciously rejected myself first. Pleasing her was the nice thing to do, but I never set my boundaries. Before I knew it, I was right back in the familiar zone of platonic friendship.

Not long after, everything came crashing down, I was heartbroken Utterly destroyed. I remember the emotional pain of that moment and can't forget the nausea, sadness, bitterness, anger and even the physical sensations. How could this happen?How could the perfect person hurt me so much? Why didn't it work out? What did I do to deserve this? Am I unlovable? What do I lack as a man? But for all those questions, one idea bothered me most ,I thought this was meant to be, It's devastating, It can lead you to believe you are destined for misery. It can give rise to dark thoughts about worthiness and your place in the world. All that was my experience and it hurts. But, as much as it sucked, it was part of something much bigger that I needed more time to appreciate.Looking back, I clearly see how that pain and experience was essential to transform my life more than anything else. The relationship wasn't meant to be, yet it happened for a reason, something I didn't want to see back then.

The first weeks and months were miserable. I lacked energy, bathed in jealousy, and resented people who seemed happy. Once I got that out of my system, I had a choice to channel all those negative emotions into my development and gave up trying to win her over.

After spending what could have been many years together, it can be daunting to imagine getting on with life with them no longer by your side.

Divorce however can provide the ideal opportunity for growth and self discovery. Decision making becomes yours and yours alone and with no one else to defer to and no one else to compromise with, divorce really can be a liberating, affirming experience. Take some time to focus on what makes you happy. Perhaps your role in the relationship meant you gave up certain things, either to spend more time with the other person, to take care of the family or you simply stopped doing things you used to like because your partner didn’t enjoy them. Now is the ideal time to rediscover what makes you happy and make plans for the future which will help propel you through the healing process too. Focus on filling your time with things that you enjoy. Visit friends and family more. If you don’t have many friends, or all your friends were mutual friends, now’s a great time to get out there and meet new people by joining a club or taking up a new hobby.

People come into our lives for many reasons. Everyone around you is teaching you in their unique way. Just because we connect deeply with someone or feel it's meant to be, doesn't make it so. There may be another lesson you need to learn or a lost part to rediscover. Be more open-minded in exploring yourself. Perhaps this experience is here to teach you something you have repeatedly resisted. Ask yourself for three gifts that could come from this, and commit to exploring them fully. Use the power of reframing to widen your perspective and break free from self-fulfilling prophecies of doom. Lean into your pain and find that gold within because transformation awaits.

Remember, insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results

It’s very common for people to develop issues with trust following a relationship break down and this can seriously impact behaviour, and whilst approaching any potential new relationship with caution, especially in the age of internet dating is sensible, don’t let what you’ve experienced in the past sabotage a new relationship.

Betrayal in particular is a difficult experience to bounce back from, so whilst your past experiences will inevitably shape you, use that wisdom to your advantage without it turning you into a guarded cynic.

There’s much to be said for a positive mental attitude and whilst divorce is a difficult process to go through, with the right outlook, you will get through it, you will heal and you will find happiness again.