I moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico from Baltimore, Maryland back in November 2019. I stayed with a few friends in Ojo Caliente for Thanksgiving, and then December to now I’ve been car camping. Some days I am able to get a hotel or hostel room. I have stayed with some friends I have made in town, but for the most part, it’s me, my Jeep and a sleeping bag.
This journey has been meaningful in so many ways. I’ve been learning to be resourceful, and to fully embrace the present moment. There is a lot of beauty in every moment, even the most mundane moments. This journey has also given me a lot of opportunities to explore hiking trails, and to climb intense mountains. The nature here is profound, intense and commanding. Exploring nature here in New Mexico is a necessity. What is most important is I am learning to embrace myself. This has been the most difficult lesson because I have always had low self esteem.
We often disregard our personal growing processes, all individual and unique. The transformation is something we can all relate to, which is transforming dark to light. This part of transformation is so important because it is the very beginning of spiritual growth. Often times, we want the dark times to end so we can enjoy the beauty of life. What I’ve learned is there is beauty in the dark times too. The dark times allow us to experience deep emotions and thoughts we may have suppressed so we may fully honor them to let go.
When I captured this moment in time on my phone, I felt very grateful to have been able to experience this transition in the natural world. The final remnants of light and blue haze surrounding a deep dark sky to celebrate the night. The tree, which is a part of creation and wisdom, is standing through this light and dark transition. These moments right before sunrise and right after sunset are so special. Sometimes we don’t stop and fully embrace these moments.
This moment made me reflect on all things I have experienced up to this point, and how to approach situations as they arise. There are current hardships like low finances and cold weather. Instead of remaining in constant worry, accepting where I am presently has made huge benefits. Honoring these thoughts instead of pushing them away relieves the mind of worry as well.
I have survived death three times within the last year. Once, I almost was struck by lightning waiting for the bus to go home from work. This was during a period when I was drinking alcohol heavily. My addiction to alcohol progressed an overdose, which then depression and ideation followed. These were fueled because I wasn’t honoring my thoughts or emotions. I just wanted to suppress and cover the wound, not clean and tend to it.
Depressing thoughts and emotions arise. Ideations arise, but do not act upon these thoughts and emotions. Observe, embrace and honor them for being there, and breathe into these thoughts and emotions with gentleness, patience and compassion. These are things I’ve learned, and are constantly reminded of when I look at this photo.
This photo helps me embrace those deep, dark aspects within my heart so I can fully love myself in all facets, not just the good parts.
This photo is a reminder to keep going and to not give up. I am here to fulfill my dreams of being a visual artist, not to give in to the mundane. I am also here to help people tap into their dreams and life destinies, and to not be afraid to pursue them. This photo is a constant reminder to embrace all aspects of yourself, no matter how good or how bad things are. Love yourself fully, and when a trigger arises, it will help us grow. This photo helps me to continue on my journey so I can write a success story for those who really need it. This photo is the definition of hope.
About the Creator
Jordan Merlino
I am a visual artist originally from Baltimore, Maryland. I focus on paper-cut and meditative paintings as my primary medium. I am on Vocal to share some of my experiences to help uplift others. All photo content were taken by me.
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