Tragedy or Triumph?

Will you ever know my victories and defeats?

The people you once defended sleep with no care. They don’t remember you.

They say you upheld loyalty, where was that loyalty to her?

Nights are long for mother, as she tosses and turns in loneliness. She's a fighter now, for the tenderest memories are the ones that hurt her the most.

They say you would never abandon anyone. Why did you abandon us?

The world you fought for forgot you, and you forgot your world in us.

"Duty-bound," they called you. You answered to each and every call of duty. Why then did you exclude familial duty?

So, you won the highest honor, but let me tell you, a piece of metal is a cold, hard bargain for one warm and gentle hug.

"With honor," they once cried, "he defended the country till his last drop."

If you were the defender, then why are your own defenseless?

They speak of your fabled wisdom. Here I am seeking advice. I've scanned through the memory bits and pieces of you in one brown box. A pair of unworn combat boots still stands without you. They remind me of the battlefield called life without you.

There is that trace of a lingering scent though. It gets triggered when I see the lofty pines standing so proud. Your encouraging words had to be logged short. They froze midway like tears not wiped, and I learn to fend for myself. I try hard to recall your voice. I call out to you from the top of my lungs. All I hear is the whispering of leaves in response to the roaring wind.

Some say you were inspirational, and my morale could really use a boost. Where have I not searched for you? I delved deep within the recesses of my mind for you, scoured every nook and cranny. But Dad, you left too early to leave behind a retrievable cache of memories. A brown paper box with ephemera is all that I have as a legacy.

Am I searching in the wrong places?

I've looked through hills and dales, in people and places, but I cannot find you. I have looked under the frozen pond of emotional blocks. Give me a sign to show me you're listening. I wish to learn about you and from you. I need a direction.

Must I walk in your boots to understand?

Who would have thought? The one who took you away from me instilled in me the very values you upheld. It says I am that part of you that never quits. I’ll try be that loyal team player, and not just think of our family without you. I’ll toughen up.

You did not ask for war. You were just ready to discharge duty and protect the rest of us. That's all you did. You were respected, revered, and even unappreciated by protestors and then forgotten. Yet, you marched in action.

It's a lonely path you took. I will flip a switch and stop the blame. You did what you had sworn to do. You protected the freedoms of people who never will know or even care to know you. Despite it all you remained disciplined. I too will remain disciplined, while others continue to take freedom for granted. I promise I will honor and guard it like you did. Rest assured, I will learn to respect our sacrifice despite their ignorance.

I am the daughter of the valiant soldier, and I have looked long and hard for you my father! Finally, I could only find you and your voice in the Soldier’s Creed. I put on my combat boots and promise this time I will not let you go.