To the Girl Afraid to Admit She's Not Okay

“to be human isto be broken andbroken is its ownkind of beautiful.”-r.m drake

For the first time in your life, you can’t control your emotions. They are controlling you.

You are feeling everything on a very visceral level. Your feelings are overcoming you. And your life feels like it’s out of control.

You aren't exactly the girl people would say is emotional because you never show it. But, that doesn’t make you a robot. You feel things very deeply. And you just choose not to show them. Because you’ve always prided yourself on having your life together.

You're not the girl that frequently cries. You aren’t even the girl that always cries when someone dies or something sad happens. It takes a lot for you to cry and be moved. So when you're crying every day, you know that something is wrong. When you're crying about things that aren’t even sad or that shouldn’t make you cry, you know that is a red flag.

You don’t recognize this girl. You don’t recognize this side of yourself. You've always been in touch with your feelings, but have never felt so consumed by them. You feel like maybe something is wrong with you. Maybe you are emotionally unstable. Maybe you need help. But, you are afraid to tell anyone. You’re afraid to ask for help and to admit that you need help.

You’ve always been strong. You've always held it together. You’ve always been able to fix yourself when you’ve been broken. You've always been in control. And for once, you aren’t.

You aren’t quite sure why it seems like the waves keep relentlessly crashing over you. You don’t know why all of the sudden you feels so emotional. Maybe it’s the result of you not letting yourself be emotional all these years or maybe it’s just that everything that has happened recently put you over the edge. You don’t know why you can’t keep your feelings at bay. But, you feel helpless, hopeless.

“and if you feellike life isconsuming youin its fire,remember this.sometimes it isnecessary for theland to be scorchedand its historypurified beforesomething newcan grow.”-JmStorm

You feel like no one understands. That you don’t have anyone to turn to. You are facing one of the biggest battles of your life and you're all alone.

You're worried that you may never return to normal. That you might be stuck being like this forever. You’re worried you’re too broken.

It might just be a phase and need to run its course. Or it might be something that is here to stay. This might just be a part of being human that you never allowed yourself to feel. But, only time will tell.

All you know is that you're not okay. And admitting that you aren’t okay isn’t easy for you. And asking for help is an extremely hard thing to do. Because for you, it’s not okay to not be okay.

"You are exhibiting more fire and strength in these moments than any moments of perceived togetherness.” -Liz Newman

But, darling it is perfectly okay to not be okay. Nobody’s perfect. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re only human. And you should never be ashamed of the way that you feel. These are the moments that make you who you are. Embrace it and feel it.

“Let it hurt then let it go.” -r.h. Sin