The Strong Woman’s Burden

I hear so many women speak about the burden that the expectation of strength brings to their lives. When am I allowed to be weak? When am I allowed not to have all the answers or solutions? When will I be allowed to name my pain and be given the space and room to heal? While I am broken and shattered by this world, I am still expected to carry the load of the daily functions, whether it be family, work, school, society, etc., there is an expectation that I still show up. At some point we must accept our humanity. While being superhuman would be nice, the reality is that we’re just as fragile as any other living thing, and we also require nurturing, and emotional, physical, and spiritual nourishment. From my own personal experience strength sometimes happens, not because I choose it, but because there is no other choice. There is also an element of fear that abounds when I think about weakness. Even though it is quite natural and human to have moments of weakness, there is a fear that arises at the pain that vulnerability can bring. If I open myself up, will there be supports to help me heal, or will someone just pour salt in the wound.

I have found that self-care and self-acknowledgement are the key factors in emotional and spiritual healing and are the only things that begin to help lighten our daily burdens. Whether it be through therapy, journaling, or delving into one of our passions, it’s important to get back to the root of who we are. That is where healing begins, and the ability to identify the tools that can effectively help us cope with the day to day stressors we face. I was a very broken, shattered human being, walking around with old scars and fresh wounds, with no clue of who I was, what I wanted, but most importantly I could not then understand what I deserved. I had no clue of how to respond to my traumas. I had no control of my emotions. I was just floating. I was just existing, not living. Not until I began to peel back the onion, acknowledge and name my pain, and embrace myself, flaws and all, was I able to learn who I was. I had a better understanding of what calmed me, what brought me joy, what I needed, and what hurt me.

Once I had a better grasp of what my triggers were and how to correctly identify what I was feeling, it was that much easier for me to prioritize myself, my thoughts, and my needs. Self-care became a normal part of each day. As time goes on, I am better able to advocate for myself. I can say no and not feel guilty. I allow myself to pause throughout the day for reflection and check in. I check in to my emotional state and make sure that I am ok or doing what I need to do to get there. It is ok to begin to put the pieces of ourselves together. It doesn’t make you a weaker woman but a much stronger one. Being vulnerable in a safe space can be one of the most freeing experiences. My hope is that you just start with today in this one moment to begin to peel the onion. Lighten the load. Take today to begin to make yourself a priority so that your healing and self-discovery can begin.