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The skill of self confidence | Dr. Ivan Joseph

I use the definition of self-confidence to be the ability or the belief to believe in yourself, to accomplish any task, no matter the odds, no matter the difficulty, no matter the adversity

By ElvisPublished 10 months ago 3 min read
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In my previous life as a soccer coach, winning a national championship didn't automatically attract players to my team. It was only when we offered $25,000 scholarships per year that everyone wanted to join. Parents would often ask me what qualities I looked for in players when their children expressed interest in playing for our university. My response, as a Socratic professor, was to inquire about what their children excelled at. Parents would typically mention things like great vision, exceptional speed, or technical skills. However, I would explain that while those attributes were valuable, they weren't the most critical factor I considered. The most important quality I looked for was self-confidence.

I define self-confidence as the ability or belief to trust in oneself to accomplish any task, regardless of the odds, difficulty, or adversity. Without self-confidence, we become ineffective as soccer players. When we lose faith in ourselves, our performance suffers. I intentionally refer to self-confidence as a skill because I firmly believe it can be developed and trained. Let me share a couple of methods we use to build self-confidence.

The easiest way to build self-confidence is through repetition. There are no magical shortcuts. As Malcolm Gladwell states, it takes approximately 10,000 hours of practice to master a skill. I once recruited a goalkeeper from Colombia who had poor ball-handling skills. However, through a simple solution of kicking and catching the ball against a wall, he improved significantly. His goal was to perform this routine 350 times a day for eight months. As a result, his hands toughened, and he eventually went on to play in Europe. It wasn't magic but rather the power of repetition.

The challenge with repetition is that many of us give up after encountering initial failure or adversity. We must learn to persist and not accept failure. Edison, for instance, made thousands of attempts before successfully inventing the light bulb. J.K. Rowling faced rejection from numerous publishers before finding success with the Harry Potter series. Persistence is the key to building self-confidence.

Another method to cultivate self-confidence is through positive self-talk. We all have an internal dialogue that influences our thoughts and actions. Unfortunately, many of us engage in negative self-talk, criticizing ourselves or doubting our abilities. However, if we want to boost our self-confidence, we must replace these negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Muhammad Ali famously affirmed, "I am the greatest!" We should create moments of quiet reflection where we reaffirm our own capabilities and remind ourselves that we are in control of our destiny.

Building self-confidence also extends to how we interact with others. As coaches, educators, and parents, we often focus on correcting mistakes and offering feedback. However, we can build stronger self-confidence in individuals by acknowledging and praising their strengths and achievements. By catching people when they are performing well, we inspire confidence and motivate them to excel further. This approach can revolutionize the way we teach, coach, and lead.

Finally, it's crucial to interpret feedback in a way that bolsters self-confidence. We have the power to choose how we perceive and internalize feedback. Just as my son, who may not be a skilled athlete, interprets his performance positively, we can adopt a similar mindset. We can view feedback as an opportunity for growth and improvement rather than as a blow to our self-confidence.

In conclusion, self-confidence is a vital attribute in soccer and in life. Believing in oneself is essential because others will only believe in us if we do. Through repetition, positive self-talk, surrounding ourselves with supportive individuals, and interpreting feedback constructively, we can cultivate and strengthen our self-confidence. Let us embrace our uniqueness and dare to be different. As the famous quote goes, "Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes." Let's believe in ourselves and unleash our potential. Thank you.

self help
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