The Only Thing That Controls You Is You

There was a point in time where I came up with a saying that helped me develop patience, or a better sense of patience; that's a constant work in progress for me. I said this. "There are only two things in this life that I cannot do: I cannot fight God. If it's going to rain, it is going to rain. There is nothing I can do about it, and the other was, and yes this is rude, I can't put brains in peoples heads." I acknowledge, the last part is a bit of a dick statement, but it is also a fact. If someone is going to choose to do something dumb, I can advise against it, but I can't stop them.

The last part of that thought is what has helped me realize a lot about life. Life is about choices. Every day, every moment, every chance you get, life is a choice. I could choose to go out tonight, and drink and feel like a pile of dog crap tomorrow because of the hangover, or I can stay in, and jot some words down on a screen and hope people like it. I can choose to complain about my position in life, or I can do something to change it. None of us are shackled to anything in our lives.

I've been through some shit in my life. We all have, my stuff is no better or worse than anyone else's. It's not a competition. When I really started to notice a difference in my life is when I started to accept my life, my situations, and my choices. There was a point in time where I would blame anyone and anything else for MY problems. I didn't get fired from the radio station because I had a shit ass attitude, an ego the size of the moon, and an arrogance that radiated from the moment that my car entered the parking lot. I got fired because my boss was an asshole. I carried that last thought for many years. Finally, I came to terms with what happened, and I realized that I was all of those things that I just listed, and I didn't deserve to keep that job. What I started to do was own my shit. Once I started to own my shit, from my past, and from every day, I started to become happier.

There is a line from a song I love by Rise Against. The song is "Audience of One." Check out the acoustic version of this song if you don't know it—it kills. Anyway, the line is, "we're all okay until the day we're not." I always looked at this line as a guide. If things are okay, then they are okay. Or that there aren't problems until there are problems. But what if okay, isn't good enough. Why live life just being okay? Why can't you make your life good, or great, or even amazing?

But how do you do that? How do you go from the life that you've made where you're comfortable to maybe something better? I think you first need to make the choice that Ok isn't good enough. If it's good enough for you, if it is then cool, but if you want more, what do you do?

I truly believe that you yourself can make yourself happy. I feel that having good people that support you and push you to be better, that care about you sure does help. It helps with the loneliness that can be crushing at times, but are they necessary for your happiness? No, they are not. How can you expect someone else to be responsible for your happiness? Shit, they probably are trying to find their own happiness. To put your happiness onto another human really isn't fair. If you can find one person or a group of people that can contribute to your happiness, consider yourself very very lucky. So I think the first step is learning that your happiness is a choice, a choice you have to make.

The next thing that helped me was trying to figure out what I was passionate about. I like a lot of things; for those that know me I don't expect you to fall off your chair when I say I like the band Pearl Jam, or the Islanders, music, dogs, (mine especially) and stand up comics. If you know me, you know that, but those are all distractions, they aren't passions. What can I can do, that gives me a sense of purpose, that makes me feel alive, that gets me jazzed up? And here we are, I rediscovered my passion for writing.

So here I am taking on this blogging, writing, or whatever you want to call what I'm doing. The best part about it, it is scary as fuck for me. I think that is a factor as well, being uncomfortable. We all know the saying that life begins outside of your comfort zone, and for me, right now, I truly believe it. I've spent 40 years building walls. Only letting certain people into certain areas of my life, and now here I am just putting some very personal, intimate shit out on the fricken internet. I'm way out of my comfort zone here, like, I'm sitting on Long Island, and my comfort zone is Australia, far. Even with that, here I am typing away choosing to make myself more uncomfortable than ever, just so that I can maybe take my life that is very good, and make it great.

The sunrise doesn't wait for anyone. Every time we fall asleep and wake up a new day starts, yesterday is gone, an opportunity to take good and make it great has passed. If you feel like you're not living your best life, if you feel like that there could be something better, you have to make the choice, take the chance, make yourself uncomfortable, and to take your life, wherever it may be, maybe it's great and you want to make it amazing, or maybe it's shitty and you just want it to be better, you need to make the choice to do so. The only thing that controls you is you.