The Object of Fear

Fear
Feeling of fear. Fear To tell others they are wrong. Fear to make them understand even though you know more than they do. How do you communicate then? How do you discuss your opinion on the same topic knowing they think the opposite? Validation is an important concept. It give us the right of others to be “honest” so we are included and are truthful but is it too much to think you both are right? What happens then? Does our opinion becomes a waste of conversation or does it allow all parties to feel fear?

The concept of fear holds so much power. It can bend the will of others & put them in a constant flux of negativity. Fear eats you up inside, flowing in like a body of water. Consuming you with each thought. Sometimes you can catch it before it takes hold & stop it in its tracks but like a memory it comes up when triggered.

An idea, a nostalgic moment, or a traumatic experience can activate what's been seeded in oneself. 
The idea of validation is an intern in-depth for me. It gives proof that the existence or idea is not for nothing. Constantly seeking validation from everyone is tiring when you are always looking for it. Me seeking validation can be a way to make sure what I'm doing is the right thing.

Everyday I question what I do. Wether it's right or wrong I seek clarification that I'm doing my job. 
Waking up to silence & to the idea that you're alone & the things you do is all on you is so heavy. To think you have control of how you react and how you treat yourself is so important.

Throughout my years I cared for others with no validation due to the negative moments in history that affected me. Now that I'm older I slowly see the value of myself and what I bring to the table of life. This sort of validation terrifies me. The idea of you being able to positively effect people & influence confidence & trust in them is so scary & heavy. 



Validation & fear comes together hand & hand when you think about it. Fear of not being validated or accepted can make or break a person. By not having the constant validation from not just others but for yourself is when fear can most manifest. The fear that your not good enough, that's it's too late for you or the fact that you're lying to yourself just for validation is such dangerous concepts to manifest.

I always hear to take a breather or think positive thoughts everyday. To write a journal of your negative thoughts & emotions so you have a way of exerting all those fears out. You know what, those things doesn't work for me. They're not an end all be all solution for me. Always forgetting & having those moments when everything goes away makes it feel like you've done it, you've cracked the code. 
You have the strength & positivity to push through the hat you're feeling.

Everything that led up to fear is gone or becomes as small as a grain of salt. You ride this train of euphoria & extend it to others. "Keep going" is what rushes through my head. "Don't think about it." I distract myself with as much positivity & activities as possible in order for it not to come back. The fear of not feeling validated by myself or others. The idea of me not being good enough or the fear that's masked in things like laziness & the "what's the point" clause.

This positive outlook or adrenaline projects me forward to a better life. That is, until something triggers. That moment when it feels like your mojo has just run out. That moment when you feel like your life is flashing before your eyes & you revert back to once was. By this time you learn that you're in a cycle that constantly goes around making you battle your idea of fear and validation until you come across, acceptance.

Acceptance is to understand what is, even when you don’t know what it is fully. Fear of the past will always come back in some sort of way. The pain of what was settles itself as a slow burn. Some can contain it & some can control it. Those who can accept its existence found ways to use it for good & not only better them but influence others to do the same. Running away from pain & fear isn't so hard, temporarily. This pain that becomes so routine ends up like feeling good, like a reminder. 


This routine & pain becomes part of your existence in a way to validate that you're human. That your "role" is to be you. To find who you truest are & to always grow to overcome the pain & the fear. To use this emotion to help others who feels similar or show signs similar to your own. The feeling of loss, pain & fear kinda goes hand & hand to rejuvenate you. All this pain & fear of the world & myself that I feel comes & goes. 


The pattern in which I feel this fear is a lot less now that I'm older & more understanding of the world. Though it's a lot less it still puts me through the routine of pain & mental struggle of validation from time to time. By expressing this pain & accepting that this part of me makes me who I am it helps me understand what I am. What I am is... human.

The validation that I exist to exist & become meaning to myself & others around me. So I accept the pain & fear of what's to come thus giving myself validation because I know that in the end, my experience will influence those to see the joy within themselves and the importance of their existence within this world that we live in.