The Misconceptions of Self-Love

If you were to ask someone the age-old question of “who do you love?”, I can guarantee that the most common answers you will get would be “my parents”, “my spouse”, “my children”, and so forth.

But how many of us would answer “myself”?

I want to talk to you about a very simple but important aspect of our life: self-love.

So, the moment I uttered those words, what came up in your mind?

What is your idea of self-love?

For some, the notion of self-love is connected to a mirror reflection of oneself in which they are dressed in the most luxurious of brands or in the ideal shape or size they have always envied.

“Taking care of yourself” has often been misconstrued to being synonymous to pampering yourself with the best of everything. I’m here to tell you that this is not true self-love; it is just another means to love yourself.

The overarching control of social media has perpetuated the idea of self-love as one that involves selfies, edited close-ups, and self-proclaimed snippets of wisdom.

Studies have suggested that approximately 93 million selfies are taken every day and this trend is emerging rapidly as the number one global addition.

Unfortunately, this is the most superficial perception of what self-love is.

If you look around your surroundings, you will see thousands of people that have fallen into the trap of false self-love. And perhaps, you feel that you might be one of those people.

So then how does one exactly differentiate between real self-love and false self-love?

Well, to truly understand what self-love entails, you need to garner a deeper understanding as to what self-love isn’t.

Some of the common traits of false self-love are…

• The obsession to look thin: In a world of heavily edited photographs, there is a race to achieve the perfect slim figure as depicted by models in advertisements and social media posts. All those selfies hat you admire on social media platforms as looking effortless and candid have in reality been clicked perhaps a hundred times to obtain the optimum angles needed. Self-love is not idolizing professionally enhanced photographs as representative of real beauty.

• Admiration for fair skin: The fixation on fair skin, especially within South Asian communities, has been a prevalent issue for generations. With advertisements dedicated to promoting these products featuring cameos from famous celebrities, our society is programmed to associate fair skin with beauty. But who ever said that dark-skinned individuals are not worthy of the same adoration? Self-love is not an idea perpetuated by artificial and chemically loaded cosmetics.

• Excessive shopping: We have all had those days where we just need to spend on something we enjoy or want in order to elevate our moods. However, it is important to know where the materialistic lines begin and end. Overloading your wardrobe with the latest designer collection or trendiest fashion might be what makes you happy momentarily but it is not self-love. Your definition of self-love cannot be tied to a materialistic meaning of the term.

• Passion to look pretty: Are you happy with the way you look? The popularity of Instagram filters misconstrue the way we view ourselves and can at times make us think “if only I had lighter colored eyes” or “why can’t my lips always look this plump?”. The obsession to look pretty constantly is not healthy and has allowed us to become chains to a capitalist system that thrives on profiting off of ones insecurities. Self-love isn’t about making yourself physically desirable or “naturally” pretty enough for candid photographs.

The majority of people in today’s world are bombarded by the need to find happiness and love outside of ourselves, in the extrinsic value of materialism and superfluous relations that lasts only through validation purposes of social media platforms.

The real idea of self-love is completely unexplored and undiscovered for many.

But through identifying the false faces of self-love, we are able to work towards understanding the true meaning of what self-love entails in order for us to truly love ourselves.

Till we meet again, this is Nan Samy, your Life Coach and trusted friend in this journey signing off for now.

Stay happy and Stay positive!