The Inevitable Emptiness

Why do I feel so empty, bored, unfulfilled , unhappy, like something is missing ?

Why I'm not able to find peace with in myself ?

Am I born to fail ?

Maybe it's me, maybe I'm the issue. I need to be stronger, better, smarter, funnier, and more attractive. I also need to be cool, manly, and powerful.

So I build myself up on the outside into a person I don't even know and I don't even like , on the inside I constantly, every single day, beat myself down, sometimes severally . And I feel more and more empty .

Then I think maybe if I put my sh**t together, and have a perfect job, a perfect life, perfect women , a lot of money , and all the flashy things I ever wanted that will fill the hole.

So , I work and work everyday to try to make things better and things never work at all the way I wanted . Now I get to deal with dead dreams and feel like a failure .

Even if they do work out and I make it to the top, and I get all I these things that I thought will make me happy , and peaceful , I will still have this questions piping out of my head like : " Now What ? "

Something still messing , time passes , the emptiness still there , fisting, fermenting , fatten , heighten , farting , and becoming toxic , even changing me and making me a bitter person , critical , and self centered. And I blame everyone and everything around me for not fulfilling me.

Ultimately I'm tired , I'm done searching . I just don't care anymore , I give up trying to solve the mystery of the hole . Just deal with it !

I'm perfectly fine going back to stringing together enough distraction, enough stimulation to get me through , keeping me moderately satisfied until the day I die .

Of course on the outside no one will ever know , everything appear to be going exactly how I planed it to go . A big success , the perfect façade .

But on The inside I'm all alone and it grown, quietly .

The truth is , all the pleasure , wealth , success, admiration, gratification , fulfilment , contentment , and all the good things in this world are not going to feel the hole , because they're just not big enough.

The hole is bottomless , endless, infinite , boundless , fathomless , immeasurable, immensurable, indefinite, but these other things that the world is trying to portray as the root to happiness and freedom have limited endings , and only the infinite can feel the infinite .

So what is it ?

What's big enough ?

Some may claim God, also known as the alpha and omega or Allah, while others will argue the hole will fill itself over time.

To be honest, I don't know all of the answers to these questions.

I have a feeling that the anguish and emptiness will be with me for a long time. I'm 24, I despise my life and my job, and I believe I'm depressed.

My family and my one and only buddy Carlos are the things that keep me going.

I really feel that the hole inside us is unavoidable; all we have to do is figure out how to live with it.

Talk to others, socialize, nourish yourself with other people's stories , learn how to feed not just your body but also your spirit, pursue your passion, and surround yourself with people who bring you up, and maybe one day the hole and the emptiness will disappear.

Thank you for reading; I'm simply a person looking for a better life for myself. If your like this story , consider leaving a like and share it with a friend.