the freedom of a moment

Today. Each passing moment bleeds into the next. A compounded series of moments is what we quantify as time. The only thing that ever exists is what's happening right now.

The begging thought that knocks at the door of my consciousness on this foggy Friday evening is assessing how present I have been in my moments today. How often have I allowed my mind to slowly wander into the endless hallways of pointless thoughts? It is an easy place to get lost in when wandering through the past and anticpating a future that has yet to be. In contrast, how often am I simply living within the rise and fall of my chest, as air fills every last space in my lungs? A deep inhale. A slow, long exhale. This, they say, is nirvana. They say that nothing exists outside of a present moment. And finally after many months of contemplating and observing, I'm beginning to accept and live within the realization of this truth. For truly, it has become my freedom.

Present moments are where our power lies, for there is no better opportunity to accomplish exactly what we need than in any given moment. Only in this space of time can we recognize that something needs to be done and act on it. Trust me, I've wasted many moments. I've spent more time running around in circles deciding what to do rather than simply doing. I sometimes reflect on circumstances from years ago that I once thought could've turned out better, but felt I wasn't given a chance to make a change. But this was thought only after I suffered the consequences predicated by my own inaction, the real root of the problem. I saw that I would obsessively spend my moments half present, weighing all the options for possible outcomes. And when my small window for positive impact closed, the only thing I could say I actually did was nothing. It was within countless wasted opportunities that I finally realized that every moment possesses an opportunity with a 100% possibility to set into motion a new destiny. And by only ever being half present, I was allowing my future to be decided for me.

I've suffered numerous headaches with my lack of presence and indecision. I've come to the table too many times with no solution and no course of action. I've watched a once blissful love fall apart because I couldn't be completely present for all the responsibilities that were necessary for a serious relationship. I've fallen into deep self-loathing for this, and experienced how this only perpetuated my reality as being in the past. It is in these times of desperation that I've been led to be more thoughtful of living in the present. And this has come with massive amounts of self-healing and self-acceptance - all worthy causes that have helped me come back into the tranquility of the now. I just have to remember to simply breath in and breath out. All that ever is is now.

Living in the present is a tough thing to do. But the value in having a resonance with the present is a certain type of skill that can make anyone powerful beyond measure. The first step is eradicating the unnecessary noise that often times takes our attention on a wild ride of unfocused contemplation. The thinking mind is very sneaky at enticing us into past moments for their sense of familiarity. More times than not, we come out of these past thinking swells empty handed, having spent hours of thought with no parting favors except guilt and sadness. I noticed that analyzing the regret of not doing something too much kept me locked in a cycle of self-loathing, for I was unable to make peace with myself and move forward. Subsequently, this would then propel me into more moments where I wasn't allowing myself to step up to the table with my full attention and presence.

After getting lost in the past, I feared that my future would be nothing more than repeated experiences such as this. I was constantly thinking about two different places of time, but never considering the impact of a moment. This brings me to the next step. We must not get attached to ideas of the future. It's easy to fall into the anxiety of uncertainty and unknowns. But the solitude that I've found is that the future has never happened. Its reality is only made possible by the actions of now. Being thoughtful of how you utilize your present offers you the deciding power of what your future will naturally unfold into. Be forgiving of yourself as your move your attention more thoughtfully to your immediate action. It can even be 15 minutes a day of something positive that can set your destiny in a better direction than it did before.

Life is nature. It will naturally do what it wants when you aren't paying attention to the flow of it. But if you find a way to dance with that steady flow, you'll cultivate a beautiful ingenuity to take power of your present moments that will blossom into a fulfilling future. The final step. In the times you find yourself floating away to opposite directions of the time scale, the best thing that you can do is simply breathe and come back to now. Allow in the possibilities with each inhale and expel all the things that no longer serve you. Take a moment to open you eyes and simply observe the beauty around you. It could be the colorful gradiation of the sky, the way the sunlight naturally hits your bedroom walls in the morning, or even the soft coo of birds outside your window. Every moment is perfect, and every moment has something beautiful to be noticed and appreciated if we are willing to look. This is the freedom we will always find in a moment.