The Facts of MY Life!!!

I am a completely different person. Of course, I am different from you - my reader - and others on this Earth. No, I am not comparing me to anyone else except ME!!!

How so?

Yesterday, I got in my car to go somewhere. It was a nice sunny, but not so warm day in February. It was just two days after my 64th birthday, but I really was not in a celebration mood. Yes, I gained another year in my life, but I also realized that I am getting closer to the end of my life. What have I truly accomplished except for the ability to breathe, eat, walk and sleep? Not much, my friend.

When I returned to home, I did not go in the house right away. Instead, I decided to ponder the cold outside air and just think about things for a while. I paced both ends of the driveway. When I go to the beginning of the driveway, I looked up and down the block. I noticed and realized two major things. For one, the neighborhood looks different. In most of the cases including my own home, every home structure is different. A few houses were razed for another to take its place. Some one-family homes became two-family homes. The cars were different. The pavements were different. Even some trees were removed and newer ones were planted in other areas. Yes, based on the physical make up of the neighborhood, it nearly did not look the same anymore.

The other thing I noticed is that my neighbors were definitely not the same people. That is not to say that my new neighbors are not nice. They are. It is just that they are not the same people that I knew since I was a child. As I looked up and down my renovated neighborhood, I remembered that each and every house, including mine, had a death in it or associated with it. In my case, my Dad and my sister died in nearby hospitals while my Mom died at home. I looked at each house as far as I could see in both directions. I remembered each person's death and when they had passed away. With the exception of just ONE home, not one single person I knew when I was a child is around anymore. They were all gone over a matter of time. I went from being a cheerful child to becoming an oracle on my block. I realized this when I chatted with my neighbors and started my conversations with such phrases as "When I was a child....." That, my friend is a sign of old age.

I slowly waked to my backyard, the other end of the driveway. I saw that it was about 2:45 in the afternoon. I looked west as the sun would be setting there very soon. I sort of smiled and then stopped. I thought back to my grade school days. I remembered the two schoolyards there. The first one was restricted to first to fifth graders. One day when I was in second grade, I just happened to look west while I was playing with my friends at lunch time. I saw a street. Next to the street were a set of Long Island railroad tracks. the tracks that started from the south direction pointed toward a north-west direction. A few yards behind the tracks was a tower - a red and white water tower - that stood high above the tracks, noticeable to anyone who saw it. I looked at it for a while. Soon after, I stopped playing with my friends because I felt that I was being rude. I felt that the tower was talking to me.

"Maurice, one day, you will go beyond these tracks and see what awaits you. There are some good things that you need to see."

I had to answer the call. What was it that this tower was sharing with me? I had to find out.

When I entered the sixth grade, I entered the second schoolyard that was for just sixth to eighth graders. For those three years, that tower was the only thing that I could see. It was there and still inviting me to get beyond the tracks. It kept inviting me even as I thought of the tune "Over the Rainbow" over and over in my brain. I just had to go there. On my days off from school, my Dad would take care of my brother, sister and me until Mom came home. Then he would go off to work. We were pretty lax about SOME things, but not everything. One day, I had to take a chance and explore. I needed to come up with a way to achieve my mission. I had to LIE to my Dad.

"Dad, I am going to hang out with Jimmy for a while. I'll be back later," I said.

Dad responded, "Okay. Don't stay out too late."

All of that was my code interpretation of "Get back home before the lights go on" because not doing so would have resulted in irrevocable (and physical) harm on my rear end. I had to get this done and get back home right away. I took my bus pass and boarded the first bus to Jamaica Avenue.

At 13, I was truly unaware of the dangers out there as I rode the bus to Jamaica Avenue. I had no idea of the danger I may have placed myself in by doing this. Still, I had to explore. My curiosity was piqued. What was the tower directing me to do?

I walked along the avenue and saw many of the things I usually saw with my parents - Macy's, Gertz, the movie theaters and other nice and familiar areas. Still, it wasn't enough. Although I enjoy my mini sightseeing adventure, I had a feeling that this was not where I was being guided. I had a feeling that my journey was much further than that, but it was time to return home. I had to wait for another opportunity to journey even further.

I returned home and realized that my graduation was coming up in a few months. I would be attending high school in September, but it was only the March before. Maybe the tower was a reminder about my impending graduation. I still did not know, but I knew that there was something beyond the tracks that was here just for me.

I finally graduated and felt a huge relief. I looked at my diploma not just as a symbol of my academic achievement, but as my ticket out of the neighborhood. I was heading to some joint called high school.

That September, I did not feel the need to look at the tower for a while. Why? Because I was in a magnificent high school. It was larger than anything I ever imagined. In my grade school, for example, the auditorium, cafeteria and gymnasium were the same thing. In high school, they were three separate areas. The halls were HUGE. The hallways were long. I could not even remember the count of teachers I saw there. In grade school, I was able to remember the 18 teachers who were there even though I was only taught by half of them and most of them taught me all of my subjects each year. In high school, each teacher taught a single subject. And I had to learn how to move from one class to another not just across the hall, but most of the time, across the building in just five minutes in a very crowded hallway.

The three best things about my many nice experiences in high school were the great friends I met, the teachers who taught me and the talents I was able to explore. As you can see, writing was one of the things I worked on. I immediately joined the school newspaper and started writing various articles over my four years. I explored music and later, joined the school band. I was now beginning to have some real fun with my life.

The leading experience though was the new cache of friends I made, people who are still friends with me today thanks to the technology which led to computers and programs like Facebook that allow me to still chat with them without dialing their phones or ringing their doorbells. I was able to escape the pitiful bond I had with the seven other boys from my grade school who were also accepted there and traded in their "friendship" for people who were really friends -supportive and friendly individuals who accepted me for who I am. I was so honored to accept them into my life.

The four years passed by quickly and college was the next step. That is when I discovered for certain that one girl who attended high school was not only a college classmate, but also the undying love of my life. As time went on after we graduated from college, we went our separate ways until the tragic day when I found out that she died. I was devastated then as I am today.

That brings me back to my yard. I watch as the sun was about to set. I thought of those memories. They were great thoughts that barely overshadowed the deaths over that period of time. I thought long and hard about my plans for my ever decreasing future. I have to journey beyond those tracks again one day, this time to never return home. I need to move to a new location - a new home if you will - and start the next phase of my life.

In conclusion, there is where I am right now, not physically, but emotionally. It is a fact that I have to deal with until I find my solution. It is not easy, but it will be done...........one day soon.