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The best way to save your life: refuse to socially consume

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By Dylan M ParkinPublished 2 years ago 9 min read

The famous psychologist Adler said.

"All human troubles originate from interpersonal relationships."

In fact, a significant portion of interpersonal relationship troubles comes from social internal conflict.

Because of pleasing others and condescend to themselves; because they do not know how to refuse and suffer themselves; because of excessive expectations and doubly heartbroken; because everywhere to compare and increase the annoyance ......

These are the social consumption of people.

If you're a socially conscious person, you're bound to leave yourself bruised and battered.

The rest of your life is not long, don't let the social internal consumption kill your life.

The best way to save your life: refuse to be socially consumed

The best way to save your life: refuse to social consumption

I once read a very touching quote on the Internet.

"Many people's biggest obsession is too eager to fit in, but regardless of whether it suits them or not.

You need to know that those relationships that make you feel tired are actually the wrong ones."

People are supposed to be comfortable with each other, and relationships that take too much effort only hurt themselves.

In the Japanese drama "A calm leisure", the main female character, Oshima, is a good old boy who is all about pleasing others and condescending to herself.

In the workplace, in order to fit in with the group, the other girls are always trying to please their colleagues.

If a colleague makes a mistake, he or she will take the blame for it with just one look.

She also takes on all the things that her colleagues do not want to do, so that she often works late into the night alone.

In love, she never refuses her boyfriend's requests in order not to lose him.

When he says, "I like my hair smooth and straight," she wakes up an hour earlier every day to straighten her natural curls.

In life, she tries her best to keep the relationship going and to be agreeable so as not to be disliked.

In order to be close to her colleagues, she goes to a restaurant with them and brings home her own lunch, even though she has brought her lunch.

The company has been dragged to the Netflix store by colleagues, and the selfie is only as ugly as the other half-open eyes, but she does not dare to protest to let a new hair ring.

Even when her colleagues mocked her style of dress, she just smiled awkwardly.

Unfortunately, her co-workers and her boyfriend are not impressed by her efforts to please them.

Once she found out that some of her colleagues, who were usually "good friends", were complaining in a small group that she was a special outsourced worker.

Her boyfriend, whom she had been proud of, also slandered her unscrupulously in front of her colleagues.

When she heard this, her inner world collapsed instantly, she fainted and was admitted to the hospital.

However, during the seven days she was hospitalized, no one, not even her colleagues or her boyfriend, expressed any greetings or concern.

In the end, she was physically and mentally exhausted, and finally chose to change.

After she was discharged from the hospital, she decided to leave her job, leave her past and return to the countryside to start a new life.

She left the curly hair she wanted to wear, said what she wanted to say, did what she wanted to do, and returned to her true self.

Writer Sozen said.

"A really good relationship is effortless, no need to deliberately please and try to operate, the two people are already comfortable with the natural."

Indeed, a good interpersonal relationship is not a matter of commission, deliberately sought, but natural and spontaneous, affinity with the fate.

All of the relationships that you take the trouble to maintain are wrong.

For the rest of our lives, may we stay away from relationships that make us tired, treat our soft inner selves well, and live with ease and comfort.

The best way to save your life: refuse to socially consume

The best way to save your life: refuse to socialize

A survey conducted by Cornell University found that.

"Those who are excessively kind and completely unaware of rejection earn 18 percent less than those with strong personalities.

The bottomless acceptance or help does not bring them harmonious relationships, but, on the contrary, will only get the contempt of others."

It's true when you think about it.

As students, people who don't know how to say no are always being bossed around and called out.

After work, too good to talk to people, often work the most effort, but always take the blame.

A netizen on Weibo has shared her experience.

After graduating from college, she joined a well-known enterprise work.

In the eyes of outsiders, her work decent scenery.

But only she knows, over the years, how much aggravation they have suffered.

Forced to do a variety of work does not belong to their own, almost become the unit of the universal tool people, computer maintenance, printing and copying, pick up the courier, order take-away, at the mercy of others.

Over time, these jobs will be rightfully pressed on her.

Even business trips, colleagues will also try to let her go.

Once, the unit is scheduled to let a colleague go on a weekend business trip.

As a result, the night before 10 o'clock, the colleague called her, saying that there was an emergency at home, hoping that she could fill in.

She even if there are ten thousand reluctance, in order not to let colleagues disappointed, but still agreed to the hard head.

The most depressing thing is that she later learned that her colleague's family did not have any urgent matters.

This also became the last straw that broke her back.

After knowing the truth, she cried out in frustration.

She hated herself so much that one more time she was embarrassed, one more point of aggravation inside.

However, even so, she continued to pretend to be willing to do these things, simply because she was afraid of ruining her relationship with her colleagues.

Until later, the physical and mental torture of her double, not only the efficiency of work is getting lower and lower, and doubts about their own lives, and even feel that they are about to depressed, and chose to resign.

As you can see, the internal consumption of social interaction, in the end, turned into a knife to stab themselves.

Therefore, don't always be a weak good person who condescends to himself and tolerates people without measure.

In this world, not everyone knows how to put the heart into the heart, you pay, may be exchanged for others to get an inch and ruthless deception.

Freud said.

"In any relationship, we have to dare to guard our boundaries with anger."

Yes, once a person has no boundaries, a relationship blackmailed, will only be bruised, physically and mentally exhausted.

With boundaries, in order to live "their own", in order to win respect.

For the rest of my life, I hope we keep the boundaries, kindness has a ruler, tolerance has a degree, not by social internal consumption, not by the relationship hurt.

The best way to save your life: refuse to be socially consumed

The best way to save your life: refuse to be socially consumed

Living in this world, no one is an island, we all inevitably have to deal with people.

If you want to have an easy time and go smoothly, you must not be consumed by the relationship.

If you are also suffering from the wear and tear of social consumption, you may want to heal yourself from the following 4 aspects.

1, lower expectations - excessive expectations, will only be replaced by more disappointment

Someone once asked: what is the secret of happiness?

A high praise answer is: never expect too much from anyone.

In a relationship, if you expect too much from others, you will fall into the gap between "reality" and "expectations" and be plagued by disappointment.

There is a formula in economics: happiness = utility/expectation.

That is, the lower a person's expectations, the easier to get satisfaction, the easier to get happy.

Expectations should not be too high, so that disappointment does not hurt too much.

Lower expectations, to live a relaxed and comfortable.

2, give up pleasing - effort to please the relationship will not last

People in this life, will meet many people, you can not meet every person's vision.

A good relationship, never with pleasing and humble in exchange, but equal respect.

If a relationship to maintain with pleasing, will live very tired, and often end up with hurt and pain.

Don't be ingratiating, be good to yourself, no guilt is good.

When we no longer want to please others, no longer push themselves to do the perfect time, but life everywhere will be a surprise.

3, learn to refuse - do not know how to refuse, will only lose respect

Bai Yansong said.

"The value of people comes from rejection. Rejection, you can become more precious."

Do not know how to refuse the good old boy, all the good are cheap, learn to refuse will make people cherish your good more.

In the face of other people's unreasonable demands, a tolerance to give in, will only make yourself suffer injuries.

A good relationship can withstand the test of "rejection".

Learn to refuse, learn to say "no", in order to better manage the relationship with others.

Therefore, learn to express the true thoughts of the heart, do not like when you directly say no, do not want to do a thing directly refused.

Know how to refuse, have boundaries, will not consume themselves, and not consume others.

4, do not climb - a comparison, only to increase the trouble

There is a saying: life's suffering, half from survival, half from climbing.

Carnegie, the master of success, also said.

"Many of life's troubles, all from our blind comparison with others, and forget to enjoy their own lives."

No one's life is perfect, do well for yourself, live your own, is perfect, is the victory.

Blindly compare, not only can not make yourself better, will only bring the torture and pain, and the opposite of happiness.

When we get out of the heart of comparison and be ourselves, we can live a leisurely life in the chaos of the world and live a peaceful and happy life without shame.

The best way to cherish your life: refuse to socially consume

The best way to cherish life: refuse to social consumption

Steve Jobs said.

"Your time is limited, don't live for others, don't be limited by dogma, don't live in other people's ideas, bravely follow your own heart and intuition."

Life is short, stay away from relationships that drain us internally and from people who constantly drain our energy.

Follow our hearts, follow our intentions, stay true to ourselves, and be brave enough to be ourselves.

In this way, we can walk with a firm gait and live a life of prosperity.

happiness

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    DMPWritten by Dylan M Parkin

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