First, the level of personality should meet the basic requirements of normal qualities. Personality is an internal, very strong and unchangeable framework formed from birth to the age of 20, which determines the level of mental health and maturity of a person.
A person with a healthy personality development will be able to cope with life's difficulties and problems in a very advanced and mature way as an adult, while a person with a poorly developed personality will still face problems in a lot of childish ways as an adult and end up making life worse and worse.
For personality level assessment, there are special psychological tests that can help people to understand themselves. There are also defense mechanism tests that can be used to understand the level of maturity of the self in terms of coping patterns.
Personality level is the most important basis for mental health and is a prerequisite for becoming a professional counselor. Beyond that, it depends on whether you have the following 8 abilities.
1, listening skills.
Many people see this may say, listening to people who can not ah, this is also considered a special ability? In fact, the act of listening is against human instinct, because the human instinct is to tell, we all prefer to say their own let others as listeners, how cool ah. So the act of listening itself is difficult for people.
The counselor needs to have the ability to listen is extraordinary listening, so it is even more difficult.
So what kind of listening skills does a counselor need to have? I have summarized 4 characteristics.
1, to be able to listen clearly not only to the surface content, but also to understand the deeper connotations. There is a saying "listen to the words and listen to the sounds", which means not only to listen to understand the surface meaning, but also to interpret the meaning of the "words within the words".
For example, the visitor said, "When I entered college, I chose a university outside of China because I wanted to leave home quickly and never want to see my father again. My father was very patriarchal and spoiled my brother and treated me badly. One time I failed an exam in elementary school, my dad kicked me down in the yard, surrounded by classmates and neighbors, I was on the ground and couldn't get up, he kicked me and left, and then a classmate carried me home. I was in bed for a week before I could get off the ground and walk. My mother didn't care about me, and she didn't like girls and treated me badly.
This passage superficially refers to the visitor's experience of being scolded by her father, but connotes the following grassroots meanings.
1) Looking back on this experience of growing up, the visitor's feelings are very painful. There are many internal feelings of aggression, fear, anger, resentment, helplessness, sadness, and depression.
2) Such an experience may have left a deep shadow inside her. Because I am a girl, my parents don't like me, I am not as good as my brother, so I don't get love from my parents, I don't deserve to be loved, I don't deserve to be loved. Even the subconscious mind would think that everyone hates me.
3) Negative feelings and perceptions may make her very unlovable and insecure inside, especially longing for love but fearing being disliked and hurt. So she is especially sensitive in interpersonal relationships, always cautious and afraid of being hated, especially in intimate relationships, it becomes more difficult.
After listening to the description of the visitor's past experience, a counselor with good listening skills can understand that the visitor has a lot of negative emotions left behind by her early experiences, and these negative energies need to be slowly dissolved in the counseling. The counselor also knows that it is difficult for the visitor to trust others, so she needs to confront her distrust of herself in counseling and gradually help her to build up her trust through continuous and steady love and acceptance. The counselor also knew that the visitor had very low self-esteem inside because her gender was denied by her parents, so she needed to get to know herself again through counseling, rebuild her self-evaluation system, and slowly get rid of the negative labels to become a confident person.
This complex process just now actually means that the counselor should not only listen to the surface meaning but also deeply understand the connotation of these words during the counseling process, so that listening can become a counseling service.
Many people often make the mistake of listening because they are curious, or anxious to get their ideas and opinions out, and interrupt the other party. This is also a frequent problem for some counselors who are not strong in listening.
The patience of the counselor is particularly tested by "listening" in counseling. There are times when the counselor needs to give the client the space to speak freely. For example, at the beginning of the counseling session, when the client has a lot of things to say, the counselor needs to be quiet and listen while noting down the important points. This allows the visitor to provide a great deal of information. At the beginning of the consultation, it is especially beneficial to obtain more extensive and comprehensive information to follow up on the main problems and major aspects of the visitor's problems and to set effective consultation goals, etc. Avoid deviating from the main problem by collecting incomplete information and blindly focusing on a non-core problem point.
2. Empathy and acceptance ability
A female client told the counselor, "I hate my husband so much that he cheated on me three years ago when I was pregnant. I want to divorce him right away with the baby, but I don't dare to do it easily. The child is so young, but without a father, it will definitely cause serious harm to the child. And I'm 35 years old, divorced and with a child, can anyone still want me? Am I going to end up alone?
If you listen to this and say, "Why are you so confused? You know your husband is a scum, but you are still holding on to him, can you be happy with a man who has second thoughts? This means that you are rational, but lack the ability to empathize, and cannot put yourself in someone else's shoes, let alone understand their conflicting emotions and needs.
"Empathy" is an important requirement to become a counselor.
People who have the ability to empathize are rich in emotional experiences. For example, after listening to the female visitor who complained about her husband's constant cheating, if the counselor said, "I think it must be very difficult for you, on the one hand, to bear the hurt and pain of your husband's cheating, and on the other hand, to stay in this marriage because of your worries about the future and your distrust of your own ability. You actually desire to have a marriage where you truly love each other and respect and trust each other, but you don't know how to have such a marriage."
When the visitor listens to these responses, he or she will feel that his or her feelings, emotions, thoughts, and desires are deeply understood, and that this counselor understands me so well.