The 3 Jerks I Want To Thank For Making Me, Me

Perhaps a brief introduction is necessary. My name is Syazwan, and I'm a Business undergraduate. You're probably wondering now, am I really going to thank some jerks in my life? YES! It is exactly them being jerks to me that spurred me to be who I am today and maybe you, the reader, can get some personal introspection afterwards.

Thank you to my Primary 1 teacher who called me a failure at the tender age of 6

Hold up! A TEACHER called you a failure? Really?! Alas, it is true, and here's the story. In my first year of formal education, I wasn't a strong reader, my grasp of English was, honestly, well below average. In fact, I was placed into a "special" (Read: Slow) reading club in my first year of school. Even there, I was exceptionally slow and that's where the meat of our story comes to a climax, in one session, a teacher gave me an overwhelming disgusted look as he called me a failure, that i wouldn't make it in school and left.

I was so confused! Failure? Was that a compliment? An encouragement? Excitedly I returned home to share this new wisdom with my mother, who promptly slapped me across the face, demanding to know where i learned that word. Perplexed, I answered her, which led to a long chain of events involving the principal and a few other characters but ultimately culminating in the early termination of said teacher.

The best part? I looked it up myself (yes, the same person who couldn't read Farmer John's tale decided to go on a quest to find out why so many people were enraged by this one word). To cut it short, I realized that he considered me a failure for my lack of reading comprehension. He thought I was doomed from the beginning and that lit a spark in me that burns to this day.

Fast forward almost 17 years later, and you'll find me around one of the leading universities in the world, as a business undergrad. It was a long journey, filled with doubt and nightmares of what he said but ultimately, the flame he lit within me pushed me to my limits as i continued to grow and develop to be who I am today.

So thank you, Mr XXX, for being a jerk to me, underestimating my capabilities but ironically unlocking them through your words.

Thank you to the many bullies I had during my primary school period

"Please stop hurting me", " Stop breaking my things" and "Why are you doing this!". If these sound familiar to you, especially in childhood, then hop onboard, we're on the same boat. My primary school days weren't the best (Read: Above) and combined with my soft, pacifist ways, i was an easy target overall. Bullies in school and even in my neighborhood (people I don't even properly know, mind you) appeared and wrecked havoc with my life. It seemed to be a perpetual cycle, bullied in school then bullied around the neighborhood and it was HORRIBLE. I felt so defenseless and vulnerable, hiding myself as much as possible to avoid them but still, somehow, being found and hurt.

At this point, you probably think that I was full of resentment for them, and boy, you are definitely right. At first, i was filled with rage over this! Why was i being bullied so? What did i do wrong? Then, the light hit me. Maybe these bullies were doing this because there were other issues I was not aware of. I had an acute understanding that these bullies were doing so not purely out of spite but because this gave them a sense of empowerment / representation that they may not be receiving from those around them. From resentment, came forth compassion and understanding. I did not resent them but I sympathized with what I thought they felt. This spurred me on to social ventures that became a core part of who I am, someone who wants to make a positive social impact on those around me.

So thank you, my bullies, for making me realize that not all people who wrong you, are in the wrong, and that social causes can impact the ways we behave towards others.

Thank you to myself, for continually doubting my skills and capabilities

"I feel like we tend to be our own worst critic" ~ An Na

Nothing could be truer, my reader, than the statement above. Have you ever felt impostor syndrome? The feeling that you are not competent or up to task with the responsibilities given to you? Have you ever felt downtrodden or unsure of what you could or can do? It is within us all, the worst critic, that either destroys us or provides the impetus for self-improvement.

Within myself, this constant struggle between my self-belief and self-criticism threatened to ruin me, until i began to see how I could overcome this. You see, my dear reader, self-criticism is not what you cannot do, but what you can do better. Wrap that around your head for a moment, it is not that you are not good enough, it is that you are not good enough yet. Squash all those negative thoughts and fuel it towards self improvement!

So thank you, me, for being a jerk but also my saving grace as you point out the flaws I need to work on to grow.

Which jerks do you want to thank?

And that concludes my personal journey of introspection, I hoped you learned a thing or two about me, and maybe even about yourself.

To end this off, who are the jerks you want to thank and how did they change your life? A little introspection goes a long way in gaining closure and growth as individuals.