That Time I Got Called...

Someone I talked to in a group home I lived at for a year called me an attention whore, and I was offended but I was unaware that when I had someones attention I tried everything to make sure I kept it because in the end I feared being neglected and pushed under the rug. I was seeking attention of a pure kind of love that I myself was not giving. It was and still is a struggle to be myself because I see myself as someone who honestly gives back the same vibes I'm given and to a point I feel like I'm just mirroring people I come across. In life we are all searching to find our true self to become the best versions of ourselves even if it hurts, and my true self is someone who is tired of being in the shadows but also afraid of coming to the light because being real and vulnerable in the world sometimes gets you fed to the vultures. But if I'm going to have my name spit on or tread through the mud it will NOT for me being the kind of girl to walk on egg shells but instead empowering myself and others to stand up for their quirky, cheesy, kind self and saying FORGET YOU WORLD! I'm me and there and nothing you can do about it but love me or hate me, either way I'm glad I was me through it all. so to the person who called me an attention whore, I thank you, not because you were right, but because it opened my eyes to how I walked in fear of not being accepted for being me and in return got pushed away and casted out anyways. I am a basket case, and I have issues, but so what, who doesn't? I'm 21 years old, I pretty much don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going but I just pray that I get there doing everything I feared the most, being unapologetically me. And if you don't know me or have never met me, I am always apologizing even for things that are not my fault and that is just something that needs to stop. I just have one thing to say the picture will never appear to be what it seems if you keep giving people puzzle pieces of you, and it will be so much easier for people to leave you because if they don't have a frame to put you in. SO give them the picture and give them the frame size if you must, but don't let them judge you or treat you any less than you deserve because you never gave them a chance to know you. Not everyone is out to get you, some people say you have to earn trust, call me naive but I think trust is something taken away from people who already have it, not given to people who never have. We all deserve a seat at the table, and even though i was called out of my name, I know I still want that person to reach his full potential, I also know I just don't want it to be at my table.