Spirit Weight

There are different types of weight that we carry around with us.

Yes, there are those few extra pounds of muffin top that we are reminded of every time we try to squeeze into those elusive skinny jeans. You know the ones: the pair that is tucked away on the top shelf of the closet that we call our “goal jeans."

And then there is the spirit weight of our responsibilities, worries, and burdens that drags behind us and slows us down as we navigate through the day.

One way to lighten up such a load is to ask ourselves:

"Does this really matter?"

Asking this question – as it applies to daily relationships, events, and encounters – is of much greater benefit for your quality of life than simply checking to see what number shows up on the bathroom scale.

If there were a scale that quantified how heavy my heart weighs while carrying the various burdens and responsibilities that I lug around with me throughout the day, I would fear even stepping onto it. Perhaps the sheer acknowledgement of such spirit weight would prevent me from getting out of bed in the morning.

When I feel the familiar thunk of yet another burden being heaped onto my life, I have started to ask myself,

“Does this really matter? Be honest. Does it?”

True Confessions

Asking myself this question saved me from morphing into a warlike orc in front of my neighbor. Now, I really really really dislike this neighbor (I’m no saint), but this doesn’t mean that I want to give up my power by giving in to this very real dislike when in her presence. A recent encounter with her had me asking myself, Does this really matter? and turning a "Yes" into a "No" in response.

Yesterday, this neighbor came over to inform me that she had “accidentally” trimmed all the beautiful green vines that laced and encircled my mailbox. I had loved this entwining greenery and admired its intricate lushness every time I walked out to retrieve my mail.

This neighbor, since moving in next door, has adopted a scorched-earth policy regarding any plant life of any genus or species. This is quite the ongoing battle, as we live in the glorious Pacific Northwest where plants blessedly grow a foot over night. I can't begin to understand this mission of hers that involves mercilessly hacking away at any living plant in her yard.

As disheartening as this has been to observe from a natural gardener’s perspective, I have accepted that it’s her yard and she can do with it as she wills. But my property and my mailbox? I wanted to scream directly into her face for decimating my beloved vines.

When she came over to tell me that she had mistaken my mailbox for hers and that she had stripped away all the beautiful vines and plants to bare earth, I wanted to come completely unglued. As I walked out to the mailbox with her so she could show me the carnage she had wrought, I had to quickly ask myself, Does this really matter?

I wanted to shout, cry, and say very bad words to her about the death and destruction that she has wrought on the plants and flowering shrubs. I wanted to tell her that she was a bad human being and that she had no business messing with my property . . . that she had some kind of obsessive death wish on anything growing and living and that she should move to the desert . . . that I was furious with her thoughtlessness . . . that she was a despicable earth steward . . .

But I stopped myself. To avoid an emotional hijacking, I paused for 5 seconds. I surveyed the damage and told her that I wasn’t in a good place to talk about it at that time . . . that I was going into the house to absorb what she had done. And then as I turned toward the house, I told her to kindly stay away from my property, my mailbox, and all growing plants that are between our two houses . . . and that if she had future intentions of annihilating any plants on our shared property line, to come talk with me first.

Of course, I said all of this with a modulated tone and polite words, but she got the strength of the message.

In review, I handled the situation fairly well. I delivered my message with an admirable deadpan that prevented all my frustration, hurt, and anger from spilling out onto the soil where all of my gorgeous vines had once climbed. All because I paused to ask myself, Does this really matter?

In the big scheme of life and its real global problems, the hacking away of some greenery by an obsessive and deranged neighbor is neither a global threat nor a personal tragedy. It bugs the hell out of me, but I must hope that I will eventually get over it and that Mother Earth will heal and replenish the victimized plants. Amen.

And what to do in the wake of such aftermath?

And then there comes the "moving on" part. I find that this can be the most difficult part. I had handled myself in the situation as well as I could have. But what now? As I simmered, stewed, paced, and swore inside my house, I knew that I had to do something to rid myself of such a ponderous and angry spirit weight. I asked myself,

“At the end of my life, will I still be obsessing over this?”

In order to calm my spirit, I had to pivot and wonder: "At the end of my life, will I still be obsessing over the crazed and obsessed neighbor lady with the pruning shears?" Chances are the answer would ultimately wind around the garden path until it arrived at a solid “No,” so I decided that I just had to let it go. I had to.

Or at least I will continue to work on letting it go. And if I want to live an authentic life that is true to my beliefs, I will let it go. What is that saying? Bearing a grudge is like drinking a poison and expecting the other person to die. If I don't try to release the spirit weight, my life will be predicated on another’s thoughtless actions and not on my own beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions.

I choose peace over strife, love over dislike, and forgiveness over a grudge. Let the healing begin by answering, “Does this really matter?” And in response I send up a prayer: Please, Mother Earth send up some healing green vining shoots from this offensive massacre.

How about you?

The next time you find yourself getting super annoyed by the daily coffee grounds scattered all over the kitchen counter by your house mate, does it really matter? Or when that annoying co-worker steals the credit for your creative idea – again! – and makes it his own, does it really matter? Or when you disregard your crusade to banish your muffin top and you choose to finish off that pint of chocolate ice cream at midnight while standing over the sink, does it really matter?

Go easy on others and on yourself. Lose the weight that weighs you down in the ways that count.

And choose your battles wisely. After all, let’s not forget that there are some battles in life that are worth fighting for –convictions that we are passionate about that need advocates and champions. But a thoughtless neighbor with some evil pruning shears? Nah. I’ll let it go.

What is it that really matters to you?

What is it that really matters to you? Align yourself with your beliefs and your awareness of what they are. Revisit them. Journal about them. Live them. Share them. Write a manifesto or a mission statement that represents your beliefs.

Know thyself and imagine yourself getting on a quantum-physics scale that weighs your spirit. How do you want this quantum scale to read?

It’s your choice, your process, your control, your letting go, your destiny.

When you catch yourself getting caught up in the petty, annoying, silly frustrations of life, ask yourself, “Does this really matter?” If you can answer with a “No” and add a laugh to your answer, you just lost an immeasurable weight from your mind, heart, and soul.

Be one with your mindfulness, and do not ally yourself with another’s thoughtlessness. Forgive and move on. You are the ultimate recipient of any degree of forgiveness that you are able to give. I know. It can feel like a hard thing to task yourself with, but it's worth your focus and effort. Promise.

What matters to you?

Be still for a moment and relax. I mean really relax. Sit down. Lower your shoulders from your ears. Empty your hands and put them in your lap. Take five deep breaths. Breathe positive energy in and exhale negative energy out.

Make a list of people, pets, qualities, things, circumstances, events, memories, accomplishments, dreams . . . that matter to you. Just go for it.

Now go back through your list and circle your top three or top five or top ten, whatever circling activity that makes you happy. Let these circled items guide your decisions, shape your beliefs, inform your reactions, and create your relationships today. Let them become the things that matter. Embrace, nurture, and live what matters.

Can you feel the spirit weight dissipating? It can prove challenging to give up the weight that we have become accustomed to carrying. I am happy for you and I am proud of you. Sometimes pruning away the stuff that isn't important isn't easy. Sometimes we just have to let it all go.