Should I or Shouldn’t I?

If you are like most people (myself included). The times you have stopped completely and asked yourself the question “Should I or shouldn’t I” are probably numerous. Recently, I thought about that question after being prompted to read the quote in the feature image shared above.

On the day of writing the post. This is how it all came about. After my morning walk. I usually use the Calm app for cooling down and quiet meditation. On most days. I set the timer for a minimum of 20-minutes. And in the 20-minute span. I focus on regulating my breathing. I affirm my beliefs. In the complete stillness, I sit where I am centered and grounded. In that space, I am graciously reminded of my connection with the divine. As well as with all of humanity and creation. And I breathe. Because I realize that the simple act of being conscious of one’s ability to breathe freely is in and of itself, a revolutionary act.

After 20-minutes. The chime sounds and I am back. I am thankful and appreciative of the reminder of who I am and how I’m connected. Also, I am grateful for the time I’ve set aside to be reminded of this. I open my eyes. I then take a glance to see what sage wisdom the Calm app gods are sharing for the day. Most days it resonates. Some days it does not. Either way. I am always initially open to receive the message for that particular day. On this day, it resonated. It made me think about how paralyzing indecision can sometimes be.

The 7-Step Freeze Shuffle

Far too many times in our life this is what we do. We freeze after wrestling between two possibilities. I’ll call it “The 7-Step Freeze Shuffle“. The dance usually goes something like this. Step 1: (Q) Should I do this? Step 2: (A) “Yes, I should.” or “No I shouldn’t” Step 3: (Q) Tap, tap, tap. Are you sure about that? Step 4: (A) “Uh…yes I’m sure.” Step 5: (Q) Tap, tap, tap. Are you really sure? Step 6: (A) “Uh…no. I’m not sure. I’m really not sure at all.” Step 7: We’re stuck. We don’t know what to do. So then…we freeze.

We sit in the self-imposed state of paralysis that we’ve created as a result of our own indecision. However, the time continuum in which we exist does not cease. Life around us continues to go on while we are sitting still. Very much like the man in the picture below. We are not sitting having made a resolved “do nothing” decision. But rather an unresolved fearful one made because we are simply unsure of what to do. And this immobilizes us. We become frozen.

Why Do We Freeze?

Full disclosure. I know the 7-Step Freeze Shuffle quite well. And you too have probably partaken in this dance at some point in your life. Most all of us have experienced the feeling of being frozen in time as a result of our indecision.

The 7-Step Freeze Shuffle is a commonplace retreat and there are valid reasons why. However, most of these reasons stem from one primary emotion. That emotion is fear. We become afraid. Sometimes our fear is rational and sometimes it is not. Unfortunately, whether it is rational or not. It still often temporarily immobilizes us.

In considering the emotion of fear. There are three reasons that often serve as the catalyst for causing our indecision paralysis. They are:

1. The fear of the unknown.

2. The fear of failure.

3. The fear of other people’s opinions.

Let’s take a look at each of them.

The Fear of the unknown

Now I don’t know about you? But I would not be too keen on wanting to walk down a road that looks like the one pictured above. Especially if I’d never been there before. I mean. How do I know what may possibly jump out to harm me? Would I be safe? Where does this road lead me? What’s at the end of the road?

The questions in my head about traveling down this road would be endless. I would in fact probably wear myself out emotionally with the battery of fear-inducing questions (some of which would be prudent and others just draining). But the bottom line is this. It is scary to embark upon unknown territory. And this is completely understandable.

The Fear of Failure

“Hello! I am a failure” are words proudly stated by no one ever. There are very few people on earth (actually no one I know) who would rush to slap on this kind of name tag to describe themselves or their actions.

In a cultural society where there is so much focus on “being successful”. The fear of failure, coupled with the fear of the unknown. Makes it easy to understand why we sometimes sit frozen in our unresolved choice to do nothing instead.

The Fear of Other People’s Opinion

The fear of other’s people’s opinion is probably one of the most potent fears that cause our indecision paralysis. As our minds race back and forth trying to answer questions like 1. What will people think? What will people say? How will people react or respond in regards to whatever decision we choose?

Again. In a cultural society where only those who are considered “mavericks” embrace the position of “going against the grain” of the majority opinion. The fear of what other people will say, think, or do are powerful inhibitors. People making decisions based on “Group Think” is a real thing. Even though it is not always best for them personally. Nevertheless, the power of the fear of other people’s opinions can be a formidable foe.

OK So I’m Frozen, What do I do Now?

PAUSE

1. Pause and grant yourself grace. Yes. It’s true that you may in fact be temporarily frozen right now. However, if you’re reading this post. Then, you are still alive. And because you are alive there is ample opportunity for you to begin chipping away at whatever has caused your frozen state. But first. Offer yourself some grace. Like I said earlier. “The 7-Step Freeze Shuffle is a commonplace retreat.” We’ve all been there. And some of us are there right now right along with you.

BREATHE

2. Remember, “the simple act of being conscious of one’s ability to breathe freely is in and of itself a revolutionary act.” Be your own personal revolutionary for empowering yourself to make the decision that is best for you.

PONDER

3. In the dictionary “ponder” is defined as “to think about (something) carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion.” Now that you’ve granted yourself a little grace and have empowered yourself. This time when you ponder be sure to honestly (and rationally) re-evaluate the 3 greatest fears that result in indecision.

First, determine which questions really matter to you. And then honestly (and rationally) answer only those questions that really matter. Are the answers you come up with deal breakers completely? Or is there wiggle room? Only you really know. Trust yourself. Take into account that there is a difference between choosing to do nothing as a result of well thought out decision-making vs as a result of indecision paralysis. Know the difference.

CHOOSE & DO

4. Now when braced with the question of “Should I or Shouldn’t I’? You are ready to make a solid decision on whether you should or whether you shouldn’t without freezing. This doesn’t mean that all your fear is gone. However, you can be more confident in your decision knowing that it is based on your own honesty and rational thinking. There are times in our life we must simply do it afraid. This may be one of those times in for you. If so. Just do it! Even if just doing it means doing absolutely nothing at all.

Until the next time…

Much Love & Peace ,

Carla Dee

P.S.

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