Restoring balance

Most of my life I spent my time doing what's right. Growing up in a small town has its disadvantages and perks. Naturally I fell in line with everyone else cheering on Our fighting tigers and enjoying all the down south favorites...crawfish, sports and music. But there's always been the re occurring thought that there has to be something more to life then fitting in, standing out and finding love. Of course being a hopeless romantic I've always kept that thought alive that one day some handsome stranger would swoop in and get me away from all of my dramatic problems. Well 19 years later I still haven't met that stranger but I've met a few creatures.

Love is a bust but what I grew and am growing to realize that self love is under rated. And while the word is over used in today's society it still holds true to its value when you realize you've hit some red flags in some relationships. You realize it's a self love issue when you've been hanging out with some "friends" and you were bored when you walked in door and every laugh is forced...cause well the jokes just weren't that funny to begin with. When you find yourself disassociating most of the conversation. You may think damn..do I really want to be here...The deep down answer is No.

But for vain reasons I've showed up and shown out..but the real culprit is a lack of self love. I'm now learning by following those signs leads me to a happier me. While yes going off on my own and doing some solo play time might not sound like a wild night to some it gives you something that you can't find at the bottom of a bottle. Or after a long draining conversation that leaves you thinking about a 1000 other places you'd rather be. It puts you back in touch with you. It points you to your true north. I've been on the self love journey since 2017. That includes taking myself out on sushi dates, sitting by lakes reading, shopping dates, meditation at our local buddhist temple and other productive activities. Anything that will bring me a feeling of tranquility. A calmer me with less stress and more of whatever else I felt would bring me closer to the horizon.

But when you take a closer look at the true meaning of it. It all balls down to you listening to yourself and following what you feel like is right. You can't rush healing because others are watching or waiting. You will soar on your own time. An outside eye can't see the long nights spent crying, the ostracized feelings of trying to fit in a place you've out grown. There's so much more to you than what you're able to realize. Stop feeding yourself that bullshit energy. When you acknowledge your sense of worth and open heart to what the God of the universe has in store for your soul you're making a commitment to yourself to honor and hold yourself and weather the storms of life regardless of who stays or goes.

There's a sense of contentment within that that is priceless. The best part is that feeling is yours no one can take that with a goodbye. You gave it to yourself.. that's something to be proud of. Give yourself the grace to move on to things and places that will honor where you want to be in life. You're not doing yourself a favor by staying. You always hear these success stories of people switching jobs or selling everything they owned to pursue a dream. Why not let the next success story be you even if that means living in a decked out van traveling all over the country with your pet. True success is happiness while materialistic things are fun they don't mean jack shit if your miserable with yourself or longing for the things in life that you can't buy. You can go out and buy the look but you can't replicate the soul. Personally I know the confusion that comes about when you start to spread your wings but regardless you have to fly. When you're dead and gone they'll all be saying R.I.P Fly high. So you might as well fly now although at times it may feel like falling.

May everything you put your heart to flourish

-Yours truly Alecia V