Remembering Lost Love

Sometimes, I can remember your voice, the soft whisper in my ear. I can walk back to the moments in my mind, where you reside. When the night is lonely, and my reality is dressed in stares, I remember you. I could feel the cool air on my skin, easily, reminded of the warmth of your breath on my neck. Your arms, the tight hold around me, the type of embrace that melts fear away, provides warmth on cold nights, fitting together so perfectly.

That moment in time when two very different worlds collided. For whatever reason, the universe decided to open the door, to you. We crossed paths, changing my life forever. I became quickly aware, from that moment on, my heart would be held hostage in a way that’s never been done before. A beautiful, empowering, strong soul had walked into my life. A man, much different from what I know, what I have always seemed to know.

We were so in love, running from the world at the drop of a penny, with our eyes full of stars. A beautiful love story would begin to unfold, the adventure of a lifetime. The love we had, a love that filled something so deep, a space we didn’t know existed. A piece to something we needed, a perfect key that would forever be owned by you. You unlocked me, a door I didn’t know I had.

Your world and mine fusing together had left me with a connection for good, a memory embedded in the back of my mind. When the night decides to leave me lonely, and the world quiets down, when I close my eyes and hear the sound of silence, I find a way back to you. I’ll remember back to the nights, back to the bright stars over our heads, the cold still air, when we would lay huddled together so tightly. Those were the nights that saved me, changing everything I had ever known.

These days, parts of my life have surrendered to these distant memories, places, people, and things. My life, consisting of written words on a screen. My truth, feelings, the emotions trapped within, that have never been spoken on my behalf. This is something I’ve come to see clearly. For reasons and thoughts not known from either of us, for the sake of a love that forever changed the way I look at love in itself, and for everyone out there who is reminded or even walked back to a time where we can remember being too big for our world, or our own good for that matter, this is for you.

Sometimes, we are left without an answer, no explanation or understanding. Sometimes we are left with a deep longing for something we never will get back. Sometimes, we run into something so simple but yet, so misunderstood. We run into love, real love, and we don’t know how to nurture it properly or truthfully. For some, love is easier, and then there are some, like me, who never had the wisdom or understanding to their own heart. A heart, that they learned to lock up long ago. For some of us, with walls made of heavy bricks protecting our young hearts, haunted by the mystery of how to break it down, have to watch the very person that taught us, true love, walk onto a bus and disappear forever.

The moment you let him go, that’s the moment that your bricks come down, the moment when you realize, letting go was the key all along. Leaving you with a love story, the love story that changes the way you look at love forever. A story I can remember, a story I run off to when the world gives way to the stars. I remember you, I come back to you, every single time.