2020...The year that would change the world for all of us. It was one of the most difficult years of my life and the events could have well killed me if I hadn't been so stubborn in my will to survive. I had help from above and from those that I cherish, too. But I had some take-aways and they were character changing.
Some things I learned in 2020:
1) I am not invincible....blood clots can come close to being the road to your final journey. (And you aren't invincible, either, friend.)
Did you know you can have a deep vein thrombosis in your arm? I was terrified to move my left arm and terrified not to move it, too. That clot was a next door neighbor in the path to my heart. "I couldn't die right now," I cried out to God. My children would be left parentless and with too much burden of unfinished work. I didn't even have a will. And legal separation papers pending my divorce weren't yet drawn up.
2) You should plan for the rest of your life based on the premise that death can be near. I had to get on the fast track in this lesson after my blood clot.
It's never smart to procrastinate on making a will. Don't leave children to fight your battles or second-guess your wishes or fight amongst themselves. That is selfish and lazy. Decisions are yours alone.
3) I should have saved more money...lots more... for retirement. I learned too late, but you don't have to.
I can't stress this enough! Even if you are sixteen and reading this, start this habit...save, save, save! There are so many unexpected events and situations that come with transitions...costs and extras mount up and there is only so much reserve. You won't miss an extra 10-15 percent of your check...set it aside for when you truly need it.
4) You can't make an effective time management plan or budget when buying or building...way too many variables...always expect delays and more cost.
I spent over a month in a motel with my three cats waiting for construction to finish before I was able to move into my home. I lived out of a suitcase and the rest of my belongings had to be put into storage after my move from one state to another. Not fun or cost efficient. Waiting is not my strong suit.
5) Don't plan a move after September...it gets too cold and too wet. (Even in the South.)
6) You can't make people love you...even if they should or if they promised to.
It's never easy to go through a divorce. But it's always a process. It's grief, regret, ugliness, and change. You have to learn to love yourself and put the pieces of your life back and then sprinkle the cracks with glitter and glue.
7) People self-preserve the best ways they know how....know this and forgive them early on.
Be both subjective and objective in each of the relationships in your life. It's not all about you, after all. Each person is going through their own personal chaos...look at situations through their eyes and seek to understand. Maybe they haven't learned this lesson yet, either. But at the same time, know that you have to self-preserve for your sanity, too...sometimes boundaries and short absences from others are appropriate. Love them anyways, though.
8) Losing a beloved pet is not the same as losing a child, but it still hurts.
As if the blood clot, the upcoming divorce, and the physical exhaustion from a state to state move had not been enough, I lost my beloved seven year old Labrador in the transition. I had been so careful to get a dog pen for my dogs, Daisy and Duke to stay in on my land as my new home was being built. I visited with them, fed and watered them, and went on walks with them each day. But Duke broke out of the fence and Daisy followed after one of my daily visits. He came back almost three weeks later, twenty pounds lighter and covered in ticks. But she did not return. The search for them had turned up empty each day and night prior to that. During this time, a lifelong friend of mine lost her daughter to a sudden unexpected embolism. Loss is loss, but a child, no doubt trumps a pet. It all hurts, though.
9) Love the person/people that stick by you through thick & thin....love them well.
My oldest son has been that one. He and are were a team throughout those struggles with him doing the bulwark of physical work for me. Grateful!
10) Politics=an ugly agenda.
11) Patriotism is admirable....and costly...but standing for what you believe in is integrity.
12) No matter how much you want to believe, people will not change unless it is their decision and desire.
When you have a family member in addiction, you are too. You must have patience and faith they and you, too...will get through this.
13) It is my belief that the Father listens and answers prayers...He is just and kind and good...even when the answer is No or Wait.
14) I am grateful for old friends and new old friends.
15) Being able to help a friend in their time of need is healing....empathy & comfort are the closest attribute of God that humans can hope to have.
16) pandemics suck, but my life changed very little because of it....I am grateful because many lives did change.
I hope 2021 has many beautiful surprises for each of you, my friends....with much love & appreciation.
About the Creator
Shirley Belk
Mother, Nana, Sister, Cousin, & Aunt who recently retired. RN (Nursing Instructor) who loves to write stories to heal herself and reflect on all the silver linings she has been blessed with
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Comments (1)
That was a wonderful piece of writing. I really enjoyed it.