Rediscovering the true meaning of Perfection and Beauty

The Road to Rediscovery is about reflecting on life’s lessons to learn and grow from them. And, of course, take it to the next level to help others who are struggling through dark times.

My special guest is a Nida Jawed - a Certified Professional Life Coach specializing in relationships, life, and parenting. She’s an optimistic coach who gives people the tools to realize their own ability for developing a positive mindset.

Here's an excerpt of the episode transcript. You can hear the full episode clicking the link above.

Aubrey: Nida, hi. Welcome to the show. How are you doing today?

Nida Jawed: I’m doing great. Thank you for having me.

Aubrey: Oh, it’s our pleasure. We appreciate you being on the show. Okay, Nida, let’s dive into this extraordinary event, What is a Perfect Woman? Can you share, overall, the purpose and the message that is to be conveyed to the attendees?

Nida: Yes. What is a Perfect Woman? is not a question, first of all. It’s a thought. It’s a thought that every woman has in her mind a certain point in her life because each one of us, being a woman, has been judged in some way, have exhausted ourselves trying to meet an expectation at one point or another. At times, in the moments when you feel you are failing, you are thinking, “What is a perfect woman? Because somehow, I’m unable to be that person.”

So the whole concept of this show is based on this thought, What is a Perfect Woman if it isn’t me? The message behind the discussion we want to have is, first of all, discussed as a societal expectation, let’s say when every woman has to match or is expecting herself to match those standards, to be that perfection, whether it is coming from social media or a picture from a magazine. Is she that person?

What we are trying to convey to all the women, and this program will be virtually connected. Women from around the world will be connecting on this platform. The message is, you are perfect in your uniqueness. Each one of us is different. Each one of us is capable of different things. We are unique. We don’t have to be exactly the same and measured on a certain scale to know how we identify or what makes us perfect. Who we are is perfect. We are perfect in our uniqueness, and it is time we all start owning that instead of comparing each other with each other or even what we see on social media or magazines. So that’s what we’re trying to achieve.

Aubrey: That’s wonderful. That is absolutely wonderful because, at some point, there will be a point of realization for the attendees to embrace who they are physically, spiritually, mentally, and not get so caught up in the comparisons and whatever is considered imperfections. Would it be safe to say what is perfect and what are imperfections? Is that driven, unfortunately, by society from a comparison standpoint?

Nida: Yes. Indeed, it is. I believe so because who I am – if someone comes across and judges me based on that, it’s going to make me think, “Am I not perfect?” If I were to share from my own example, I’m a tall girl, and if I have found myself in a group where not everyone was as tall as I am, so being a topic of discussion or being made fun of was something very typical that I was encountering.

When you are different in a group of people, you seem to recognize yourself differently. Obviously, when you are a little girl, or you’re growing up, and you seem like something about you is different in comparison, you are thinking, “Am I not perfect? Is this my shortcoming? But this is something I cannot change about myself.”

So the best way to deal with it is to own it. “I’m tall, and I’m perfect, and that’s exactly who I will be.”

Aubrey: Yeah. Absolutely.

Nida: Absolutely, and that’s a lot of self-acceptance that goes in it because I have no control over another person’s opinion or what they have to share. I have control over my thoughts and how I recognize myself. Another point that this event is making is enabling all of our audience to recognize self first.

Know that you have to accept yourself first. You don’t have to go out and seek validation. If you feel good in what you wear, then you do look good. You don’t have to ask someone, “Can you tell me how good I look? Just feel good and own that because what if you feel that you look amazing in your outfit and then another person turns around and says, “It would have looked better if it was yellow.” Then you have this whole distortion of perception in your mind.

Aubrey: Right. That’s amazing. Every bit of that that you mentioned, Nida, really resonated with me and being a male, as well. I say it because I’m a true believer of mind over matter, and I’m a true believer of the outlook you have on life emanates from within, outward in your behavior, in your attitude, and how you carry yourself, and there’s some sense of aura or a vibe that people perceive when they see you walk down the street, or if you’re meeting a friend for coffee, as you talk, your non-verbal gestures and things like that.

So that leads me to ask you, when it comes to a woman who unfortunately is just really, really consumed by commercialism, what perfect is for a woman, and all the marketing-type things that are touted out there in the world. Let’s say she transforms to one of purpose, one of power, one of embracing and owning who they are, all things about them, their height, the color of their skin, their hair texture, all those types of things. Is there a physical visual difference that you see between those two types of women?

Nida: Like I said before, it’s all about acceptance. The one who was consumed by everything commercial around her, who has started comparing herself to what the society is projecting as perfection. Whether it be self-esteem issue that underlying within her, somewhere in her personal life, someone has made her believe that there is an issue, you are not perfect, you are somehow not accepted because the idea we start holding onto – for this example, this lady who was consumed by commercialism, it’s because she is believing that she needs this in her life.

There is an underlying self-esteem issue. There is somewhere in her current environment or at a certain point in her life, someone who has made her believe this. She never received a validation she was seeking. Maybe in her childhood, her parents may have said something. Many times, when I’m encountering and dealing with women, they tell me that their mom told them she is obese, and she needs to lose weight. Though mom was saying it out of care, the fact that the mother portrayed her this way and called her out or body-shamed her in a way too, that has stuck around this woman goes ahead, she empowers herself.

Let’s turn the same woman into the one that is empowered; that is taking control. She grows up to be a very well-toned woman. She has control over her body and everything else. She is what she assumes to be perfection because being obese was not so much as she was told once. But even in the state of her body, where she feels that this is what is perfect, and yet she is still feeling consumed by commercialism, she never really healed from that perception that I am not perfect.

So many times, I have seen ladies try so hard to be that perfect image, and to the outside world, it looks like she got it; she’s owning it; she’s developing it, but there is always a projection that is saying, “You have room to improve. You have to be better. This is exactly what you need to achieve that. If we talk about commercials, let’s say face creams, they’re talking about acne. They’re targeting those that have imperfections on their face indicating that beauty is important and acne is coming in the way, so you need to use that certain product. We are conditioned to believe that we are imperfect, and we need to achieve perfection.

Aubrey: Oh, wow. That’s a futile pursuit. We’re not going to achieve that perfection. So, someone who is consumed by that, buying every type of product for their skin, for their hair, for their nails, it sounds like they’re continually dissatisfied with their physical condition or appearance.

Nida: Absolutely. It has a lot to do with what is thrown at us in commercials, what we are seeing online. For example, I have a friend, and she’s posting one more beautiful picture than the other. She has all kinds of filters on her, and she’s just perfect. Here I am, looking in the mirror, and I see the wrinkles I have, and I’m seeing I have just developed a new pimple. I’m going through hormone changes, and all this stuff is happening to me. I’m comparing myself to a filter while looking at myself in the mirror. ..