Pursuit of a Lifestyle

When we were kids, how many of us had dreams of how we wanted to live when we were older? This could be in the form of whatever job we wanted to have, a certain place we wanted to live, how we dress, what we drove, and more. No matter what these details were, we viewed them as an upward direction from our childhood way of life - our mind’s eye glimpse into the our future adult selves. This was, for most of us, our first experience of aspiring to be something bigger, something better; having a growth mindset. When I was 5, I wanted to grow up to be a Major League Baseball star, with 3 sports cars, and lots of jewelry (I guess that part was influenced by seeing my father rings and watches he wore).

Anyhow, as I got older, I no longer wanted to be a baseball star, but there was still a certain way of life I aspired to grow into. When I was 17, I’m not sure how or where I learned this, but I began to sense there was society of a different level, a society of prestige and distinction that existed somewhere. I didn’t know where it was, and I REALLY didn’t know how to get there, but I knew it was a society I really wanted to associate myself with.

Here’s what I mean: How many of you heard the phrase “The upper crust” or “The Upper Escalon”? Okay, let’s go back to some awesome ‘80’s music. Have you heard the Sheila E. Song “The Glamorous Life”? How about that Sade album “Diamond Life”, with the tune “Smooth Operator”? Who remember’s the line in that song, “Every day is Christmas, and every night is New Year’s Eve”? In my mind, these phrases and songs described the EXACT lifestyle that I, at 17 could not articulate. I identified with the songs, the lyrics, and the high society pictures they painted.

But how did I identify with this? How does an African-American middle-class boy from the 80’s relate to this way of life? I don’t know. All I know was that my idea of an aspiring lifestyle was never in line with those of my peers. While theirs included the latest gym shoes, gold rope necklaces, and Boomboxes, mine were along the lines of living on a hill overlooking the city, jazz brunches, and evening cocktail gatherings.

Fast-forward 3 years. At 20, my best friend was named Damon. I had lots of friends, but Damon and I were the most like-minded. Now, what I’m about to tell you is going to sound wacko, so get ready. When Damon and I often talked about this “high society” lifestyle we aspired for, and how to achieve it, I would talk about getting to that point in my life where I’m not just “living”, but LIVING. When I would say the 2nd LIVING, I would touch the tips of my fingers to the tip of my thumb, much how an Italian cook would gesture when describing the taste of a wonderful dish. Silly, right? I know.

As we all know, the days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, and months turn to years. This pursuit diminished, taking a back seat to other life events such as becoming a husband, becoming a father, and more. In retrospect, I’ve come to rediscover what LIVING truly means. It’s not the designer jewelry or clothing, but the date nights with your spouse. Its not the convertible sports car, but the little league games. Its not the French Villa in the summer, but the birthdays, Christmases, and graduations of our children. I tell you, my biggest lesson with this by far is learning that my true meaning of LIVING was not attained as a result of my pursuit. In short, I didn’t find LIVING, but LIVING found ME: in the family suppers, painting the house, and teaching my son to drive. I can’t imagine my life any other way, and wouldn’t trade my LIVING for any other in the world.

If you have any questions or thoughts, shoot me an email at [email protected].

We’re all ‘roadies’ on this journey of life, and it sure feels good having you on the road with me. Love you all so much! Stay safe, and we’ll chat again soon!